Tribe of Mentors: A Share of Value

Tim Ferriss’s “Tribe of Mentors” is a fantastic book. Heck, I have shared it more than any other gift.

Out of the multitude of mentors that have added to the tome (it is a thicc boi of a book), there is sage advice and practical example for… just about everything 🤷‍♂️

“Tribe of Mentors” holds so much benefit to this day – about high time I added to its share of value with my own answers to Tim’s questions. The 11 stellar Qs abbreviated below:

1. New belief / behavior / habit in the last five years?
2. Best purchase $100 or less?
3. Favorite failure?
4. Most gifted book(s)?
5. A better billboard message? Why?
6. Best investment(s)?
7. Adored unusual-habit or absurdity?
8. New grad advice? Advice to ignore?
9. Bad advice from the professional field?
10. How to regain focus when lost / overwhelmed?
11. What to say “no” to in the last five years? Other tips?
12. –

New belief / behavior / habit in the last five years?

5 years spans the pandemic era – so much has changed… Yet those are things in the world I cannot control, or was unduly influenced by.

For myself, the best improvement to my life comes from being less patient, having the hard conversations sooner.

Whether talking compensation for a job or explicitly defining a romantic relationship or getting appreciation / apprehension / affection / apology aired ASAP, candid talk early and often has reaped for me unequalled dividends.

Best purchase $100 or less?

I do not buy knickknacks or trivial items to then keep around, let alone every 6 months (the original Q’s time span). So I answer in two parts:

The most valuable material gifts I have received in the last 2 years (I assume under $100) have been a coffee mug warmer I spy next to me now along with the Bluetooth earbuds at my other hand. Keeping my tea steaming and my music/audiobooks streaming adds a high quality to life.

What I buy for myself would have to be my supplements. Ashwagandha (KSM-66 variant), L-Carnitine, Lion’s Mane mushroom powder, MCT oil, Maca powder, Beetroot powder, probiotics – I live a better life through manipulating my body chemistry with these. Never wish to be without!*

* Their total cost might be more than $100 every 6 months 😅 11-out-of-10 doesn’t matter as I am a better human being for them 💯

Favorite failure?

Plenty of mistakes have been made, plenty of pettiness and ignorance… To pick a favorite?

A relatively recent one would be declining to go to Italy for a wedding – a poverty-mindset mistake I will never do again. This decision broke me from most of my penny-pinching, freeing me from shackles I unwittingly fitted myself for 😅

But the biggest must be my failure in higher education. I failed to choose the better schools I could have been admitted into, I failed to choose Computer Science over a Mathematics major, I failed to build more relationships and balance relaxation and let so much just happen.

Without those big failures, I would not have maintained the friendships I do have. Jobs would not have come when they did. Struggles and objective suffering would have passed me by and I would be a lesser person without them.

All the choices about higher education wrapped together is my favorite failure. Final answer.

Most gifted book(s)?

Easy, and spoiled in the intro: “Tribe of Mentors” 😂 Too much useful information here. Bonus: when I gift my copy, I get someone else’s markup to reference when it is given back 😉

Influential books? I will speak of nonfiction here while using some “this-is-my-blog-so-deal” authority to give 4 titles:

• “The Prince” – Machiavelli’s work exposed many, many patterns in life to me. I am more a cynic, more the realist, more guarded against and respectful of the capabilities in others and I for his treatise.
• “The Art of War” – Brilliant. Tactics and strategy that translates into fundamental principles for living. It holds up thousands of years after being written.
• “Never Split the Difference” – Less a guide and more a psychology on everyone coming away with what they need in life. I quote it often, having applied it professionally, socially, and personally.
• “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” – This ol’ book has not aged all that well. Science and methodology and society as a whole have moved on from it. Why it makes the list is that it gave me such language to explain how others and I behaved in relationships that hadn’t previously made the cut. The topic also brought me to other improvement works, where I would come to read the likes of Esther Perel, Logan Ury, James J. Sexton, and the gestalt at large (in addition to my own observations).

A better billboard message? Why?

One message? One? These are artificial restrictions. If there would be one thing, it ought be the Truth, but we cannot get the Truth. Instead, we can get close. Let me lend a medley after deep, non-exhaustive consideration:

• Survive.
• Suffering Is.
• Be Attractive.
• Knowledge is a terrible thing.
• Competition is for chumps.
• Be Better.
• “Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” – Dylan Thomas
• “Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.” – Horace Mann
• “[Evil], it is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being[,] it is up to all of us to become [their] moral superior.” – Terry Pratchett

Best investment(s)?

The investment in the principles that serve myself, and by extension the world. (Warning: here comes some self-praise:)

My Body is fit. It is attractive, strong, endures, and is a machine capable of incredible things 9 of 10 other people are not ready for.

My Mind is vast. The very wonder of its connections surprises me regularly. Like a sea, not even I have charted its patterns, plunged its depths for certain.

My Soul Is. I look inward to explore the dark and the past, all while others praise me for the light my character would seem to shed upon them.

I am a temple to which I give and hold sacrament (learn, exert, sacrifice for, cherish) on the daily. (Wow, self-aggrandizing much??)

Adored unusual-habit or absurdity?

CATS ❤ But adoring them only makes sense…

Cold showers! Yet there is a lot of rational science backing up this habit…

Butter on bitter, 100% chocolate. Creamy and crunchy. Slightly sweet and biting flavor ~ A great breakfast.

New grad advice? Advice to ignore?

Already too late to tell them that the grades hardly matter, or to invest their efforts into the market, or that all this too will pass…

Instead:

• Everything is a negotiation. No-one is your chief advocate but you, nor should they be your biggest fan – that’s you! (Always ask for more value.)
• Be visible everywhere; out of sight is out of mind and you never want to be out of mind.
• Work less, but under promise, over deliver. Act humble knowing (because you have done the self-work, have gathered the evidence you keep to yourself) that you can catch and eat the other 9 people in the room.
• Actually, just take some more career advice from Scott Galloway along with his advice on happiness.

What to ignore:

• Passion. F- your passion. Go be excellent at something that you will spend little time on, get paid lots on, and give you leeway to explore your passions on the weekends and evenings.
• Fairness. If this hasn’t been ground out of you yet, fairness is a construct. Gird yourself to be treated unfairly and equip the tools required to fight unfairly.

Bad advice from the professional field?

Hmmm… In tech, IDK. Stay up on the frontline of technical topics? Code when not at work?

If tech might be important, it will start showing up in popular media (news, recent sci fi, etc.). Things move so fast, single frameworks or methods or areas of development are gone in less than it takes to earn a college degree. So stay flexible on principles, the ability to learn, and getting people to like you (be interested and interesting).

Get paid to do the thing you are good at. For me, coding is one such thing. I will code every week even when not paid to do so (i.e. unemployment), but will not code twice in a day (e.g. job and hobby). So relax when you leave work (and leave work!) to become a more interesting person with more passions.

How to regain focus when lost / overwhelmed?

Easy. Answer flexible based on what is at hand or is needing to be done:

• HALTS – Address hunger (eat something salty and fatty, hydrate), anger (journal, meditate, exercise), loneliness (reply to texts, tell someone of their importance in your life), tiredness (naps, meditation), and stress (relocate, disengage, doodle).
• Exercise – Pull a resistance band, pump some pushups, hike the stairs, squat real fast, stretch. Get the heart going.
• Music – You best have a banger of a playlist to get into whatever mood you want to be in. Set up a few for yourself – I had many once, but now I go back to just a few for brain work, physical work, and rest.
• Supplements – Lions Mane, MCT Oil, L-Carnitine, probiotics, caffeine stacked with L-Theanine. These will get one into the right headspace in no time flat 😊

What to say “no” to in the last five years? Other tips?

Over this current era of my life, I have been getting better at a few things:

Do not say “no” for others. Ask for my wants and needs. Here is a post on that.

Be more selfish. This includes being less agreeable (my greatest bane and boon). Do things because I enjoy them, or need it – say “no” to virtually all else.

Be long-term. Do fewer things that are only a short-term opportunity, especially saying “no” to that which loans energy from the future. Think about next year, and discipline the day.

–

I owe a friend for suggesting I answer some of these. Owe Tim Ferriss for putting out this valuable read. Owe it to myself to grow and be better from the insights of others.

I want to hear your take – no need to answer all the Qs, just a few. I want your answers 💯 And if I need to expand, let me know that too – never shy about adding clarity!

Which books and mentors have helped you? They will be my next read – cheers to the growth you and I pursue ~