The Best of This Modern Relationship Guide: Keep Alive

Logan Ury’s “How Not to Die Alone” is gold.

Hitting like a freight train, chock full of superb advice, Logan brings their years of learning (Harvard), behavior science (Google), industry know-how (coach and director at dating-app Hinge), and personal relationship-building (and deconstructing) experience without hesitancy. The book is a firehose backed with findings from the likes of psychotherapist Esther Perel and the renowned Gottman Institute.

Having read it multiple times, I now come up for air to share with you the last half of the best I’ve gleamed from this most modern and thorough relationship guide.

  1. Wanna Know What Came Before?
  2. F the Spark
  3. Having “The Talk”
  4. Trouble >_>
  5. Breaking Up
  6. Post Break
  7. Do We Commit?
  8. Bond Better
  9. Bonus: Having Those Tough Convos

Wanna Know What Came Before?

Of course you do. Check out last week’s post on making relationships begin to happen.

So now you have your criteria, your goals set forth, and a few dates lined up. Read on for maintaining what you’ve made:

F the Spark

More colorful language is used in the book 😅

“Spark” is largely useless. The honeymoon infatuation / lust has terrible correlation of what leads to long-term relationships.

Worse yet: contextual anxiety (this situation or person is not OK), i.e. stomach butterflies, can be confused with affection.

Case in point: Recall Juliet and Romeo? Their spark got ’em dead 😐 What would have happened if they had taken some time to get to know each other?

Go for the slow burn contentedness instead. Remember: loyalty, kindness, interested, decently interesting, your own gut feels after the date.

Having “The Talk”

Define the relationship, DTR. Early and often. Often and early.

(Callout again to James Sexton mentioning the same from his divorce practice.)

The infamous “Talk” is the business of relationships: knowing what you want and being explicit in expressing it. Though while The Talk ought be a conversation over a negotiation, it can be awkward because The Talk actively deconstructs fantasies to reveal if there is a foundation to the relationship, which may very well end the relationship along the way.

So it goes.

The author Logan stresses to decide, not slide into the various states of relationships, e.g.

  • Are we still open dating, or are we making this exclusive?
  • What does exclusivity mean to you? For I?
  • How should I introduce you to other people in relation to myself? (Partner, bf/gf, good friend, etc.)
  • What are your values?
  • What are your red flags and musts in relationships?
  • What are your goals for a relationship? Long term, short term, something casual?
  • What does long term look like for you? Why?
  • Should we move in together? What does this mean for us and where we are headed?
  • Where are your fears for us? About yourself? About myself?
  • et. al

Everyone in a relationship has the responsibility to initiate, to be candid, and to assume nothing, but trust that the other person will follow through on what has been explicitly laid down.

Things will evolve, contexts will change. “Talk” early and often, often and early. You have so much to gain by being straightforward, and put so much at risk not respecting your own or your partner’s answers and perspectives.

Trouble >_>

Things have slid into a bad place for the relationship. How this trouble came about might be from your way of handling smaller troubles:

  • Hitching – A person with this tendency sticks around in relationships long after it has already failed. Whether from misaligned trajectories, enduring toxic outcomes, or excusing poor behavior, yesterday came and went and the bad relationship still remains.
    • Growth, The Wardrobe Test: Compare your partner to your wardrobe: quality, comfort, fit. What piece are they? A garment for rain and shine, cold and hot, or something itchy, holey, or not to wear around the parents? “Clothes make the man [sic]” so it might be time to clean out the closet.
    • Growth, Sunk Costs and Loss Aversion: You have spent so much time, energy, and resource into this person; are you afraid to admit it is time to cut off the flow? A feeling of loss is 2-to-7 times more harsh than any gain; are you sticking it out because you feel you lack a support structure or strength to handle the heartache? A yes to anything means you must act now, even if that means asking for help.
      • Growth, Opportunity: Would you date today if you met a stranger who acted like your partner does with you? If “no”, stop wasting time – every moment spent in stagnation is an opportunity to meet better folks, AKA getting those reps in!
      • Ditching – Folks here leave before there is growth in the relationship from conflict. Maximizers (something could be better “out there”) and Romancers (fantasies are unfulfilled) make up a lot of Ditching. There is a danger of attempting to optimize at the beginning dating stages – while this can lead to meeting many folks very quickly, it fails to gain experience maintaining relationships and understanding what healthy long term relationships operate as.
      • Growth, Falling Vs Being: “Falling” into Love is a big thrill; this happens with each new partner. “Being” can seem too chill; the slump after a hot beginning. To keep a relationship alive – of “Being” in Love – focus more on strengths vs. the imaginary or mathematical perceived failings of the partner.
      • Growth, Startup Costs: Remember that every new relationship must be built from the ground-up. Ditching a relationship negates that work, leaving no momentum, no leftover energy, no intimate knowledge that would help sustain the newer partnership.

That may not be enough. Further analysis or a sanity check from a second opinion can help. Check these things about the relationship:

  • Wardrobe Test – Again, check the quality, comfort, and fit of the partner. Is this an all-weather person or only a fair-weather opportunity? Raggedy? Outgrown?
  • Stress – Is the trouble new, seemingly from a temporary stressor? Jobs, medical situations, family, and other contexts can be extreme and take us to the brink – if you can see the light at the end of this tunnel, the relationship may merely need more patience or an ounce of grace.
  • Tried It – If you have been open and honest on where things could improve, have been ready to give positive feedback, yet things are not growing (or, daresay, even getting worse!), you have done your due diligence. It is time to move on.
  • Missed Long-Term Expectations – Make sure the trouble isn’t from a personal pet peeve or surface-level (read: shallow) preference. Being less picky, are long term cues being missed, such as kindness and dedication?
  • Defaults – Have you made sure you haven’t fallen into the negative aspects of your default styles? Ditching too early, pulling away as an avoidant, hesitating to commit?
  • Ask Others – People are unlikely to offer unsolicited advice, so you must be proactive here. Ask those who are unbiased and who you trust their perspectives on the relationship as they see it. Ask if they like who you are when around or with the partner in question. Whatever the advice (which does not need to be acted on), be thankful for it, never begrudging.
  • Best Self – Are you doing 100% of your work to be the most you can be in this relationship? Are you actively showing up? What have you done lately to show your work explicitly to your partner? How can you be kinder? Do you have grace?

And of course, some of the obvious: Do you have resentment? Do they? Have either of you learned something new about yourselves that cannot be accommodated for? Has anyone just given up? The End Times (for the relationship) are upon you!

But of course, if trust is broken, the relationship is broken. Black Lies, deceit, manipulation, a pattern of dropping the ball (whether incompetence or unreliability) – while ending things is the first response, a new relationship might be forged from the ashes of the old. (Shoutout to James Sexton.)

“End it or mend it” – Logan is clear that counseling can help, yet we know it may already be too late if started after trouble brews. Be interesting and interested. Get your space and give it. Be explicit and put in the g-dang work.

Failing any or all of that, it is time to act on breaking up.

Side-additions from my own experience: Warning signs of trouble come from a person not knowing what they want, avoiding speaking candidly about relationship topics or pasts, not making things “Facebook Official” or otherwise public, no pictures or shared posts together, and dramatic changes in communication style.

Breaking Up

The time has come. The grit of it:

  • Plan – Make a plan to execute. When (~2 weeks max) and where (private is optimal; though public is a safe second option). Share your intentions with a friend. Write a letter to yourself if you are going to wait with your reasons of why this is needed now. Have a commitment afterward to get space away.
  • DO IT – Have the talk, make the call, send the text. Delay within reason should things come up. This is not a feedback session – refuse explanations, i.e. answer, “I respect you and do not want to waste your time,” and recall that you ought to have been giving explicit feedback up to this point. 60-90 minutes max before you have to leave for another commitment; later convos are OK, as are breaks during the breakup conversation, yet again they must not detract from the message you are giving.

Be mindful: If the context is wrong (e.g. their parent just died, they have a project due over the weekend, you both have plans for a child’s concert that night), delay. But if the schedule does not have a convenient time, pick the most convenient inconvenient time for you in ~2 weeks.

Regarding shared assets: Marriage, children, and mutual property make this process a whole lot messier. Take care to do what you must to handle this part of the breakup.

How: Dating over months or had the exclusivity talk? Give them the respect of an in-person convo if the reasons of breaking up are safe ones, i.e. no violence involved. Only a few dates? A simple call or text will suffice, such as:

I enjoyed <whatever time, activity, or relationship> with you. I feel we are going in different romantic directions. <Optionally: Can we maintain our friendship?> Giving you my best as you keep accomplishing so much in life.

Whatever or however you do it, be kinder. Be grace.

That said, I say do not burn and balm – you are breaking up with them, do not also be their rescue from or the “nice” support system after the harsh situation you have engendered. Live with what you have done.

Certainly, no breakup sex/intimacy; seek selfcare with others instead! (This can be that get-away commitment planned for before.)

Post Break

Time for recovery:

A huge step for you will be to reframe into a new mental model the situation.

Understanding how much you (and the other person) gain from a breakup helps balm the loss (which will be hitting 2-7 times harder than you might think it ought). An optimistic focus (even about foul events) improves oneself with gratitude and opportunity mindfulness, all great traits to have as a person regardless if in a breakup.

Next, self care. A general life reminder: Schedule in your own self care. No one ought be a bigger advocate of you than you.

Finally, get dating again soon (after you up your flirting skills). Going back out to meet folks with romantic intention is the only way to understand if you are emotionally prepared to continue making strides in this part of your life.

Do We Commit?

Survived some trouble? Like who you are with? See a future together? As always, be explicit, even with yourself by writing the answers to these 11 questions that require a bit of meditation:

  1. Are they are Prom Date or a Partner?
  2. What is their Wardrobe Test result?
  3. How will you grow with them?
  4. Do you admire them?
  5. What side of you do they bring out?
  6. Are they one of the first people you want to share good news with?
  7. Am I OK talking-out and -through my hardships with them? (i.e. they are non-judgmental, compassionate, and can think critically)
  8. Do I value their advice?
  9. What do you look towards or envision as milestones in a life together?
  10. Can you both make tough decisions together?
  11. Do they communicate well and fight productively?

Now read the answers above as you would for the relationship a friend is in. (Heck, put a quality friend’s name at the top of the page.) Sit with these feels and answer: does this feel like the relationship is good with these folks together?

If you are feeling good, be happy and confident in the answers. You are in a good place. You can stay where you are too – evolving commitments is no race (again, going for the “slow burn”).

The numbers are in: those that date for 1-2 years have a 20% higher stick-together rate than those that long-term commit (i.e. marriage) after less than a year of dating. Get at least 3 years together, the stick-around rate jumps to 39%!

So how does a couple continue to bond over that time?

Bond Better

In addition to all the communication tips above, another tool for the box is a frequent trifecta of “us” conversations to have with the partner.

Before each conversation, do some joint, connected, romantic activity beforehand and clear your day’s calendar for after.

For the actual Qs, I direct you to a site summarizing Logan Ury’s take on this subject. The resource goes in-depth on ways to talk about the past, present, and future “us.” (I must say that get-to-know-you activities like this are =superb= bonding tools.)

Aside from conversations, labeling is a big deal in building character and appreciation in relationships. Want someone to be strong? Explicitly call out their actions and give them titles of strength. Want to highlight traits that someone feels they have or want to be seen as? Name ’em. Humans will change in response to identity labels and remember titles, even if it is you for yourself.

I am a dater. I am confident. I am X. I want Y.

Contracts: You don’t need to be married or in business to have a contract. Pull something together informally – a shared computer doc, a paper pad, notecards, a kitchen whiteboard, whatever. Envision together what the relationship is and strives to be. List what folks want. Define, define, define, and be explicit. Revisit on occasion to explore expectations together.

Bonus: Having Those Tough Convos

General to all conversations, Logan offers a preemptive planning guide to figuring out what needs to be said and how to say it in those tough convos:

  1. What is the desired goal / outcome / consequence here?
  2. What is the core 1-2 sentence message?
  3. Tone to use? To avoid?
  4. What is the opener to remove guardedness and encourage listening?
  5. What needs to be said no matter what?
  6. What are possible reactions? My concerns over the worst?
  7. What will be the response to the worst reactions?
    • Example: “I understand I have hurt you and you want to hurt me. I want this to be as minimally painful as possible. Please don’t attack me.”
  8. How will the conversation close?

Despite more than 5000 words later, I cannot say enough good things about Logan Ury’s work in “How Not to Die Alone.”

From making to breaking relationships, this book has earned a dedicated spot on my shelf alongside the likes of “If You’re In My Office, It’s Already Too Late,” “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” “Red Queen,” and “The State of Affairs.”

Tell me what else I should be reading. I adore hearing what things stood out to you in this summary blog post – let me know! For now, cheers to you growing and finding your way through your own modern relationships ❤

The Best of This Modern Relationship Guide: Make It Happen

The title in question: Logan Ury’s “How Not to Die Alone.”

Hitting like a freight train chock full of superb advice, Logan brings their years of learning (Harvard), behavior science (Google), industry know-how (coach and director at dating-app Hinge), and personal relationship-building (and deconstructing) experience without hesitancy. The book is a firehose of info backed with findings from the likes of psychotherapist Esther Perel and the renowned Gottman Institute.

Having read it multiple times, I finally come up for air. Now I want to share with you part 1 of the best I’ve gleamed from this modern relationship guide.

  1. You Date 3 Ways
  2. 3 Ways to Attach
  3. Partners Are Better Than Prom Dates
  4. Who Are Your OSOs?
  5. To Date a Stranger IRL
  6. Ask Friends!
  7. Ask Friends IRL ~
  8. For Every Date IRL
  9. How to Keep a Relationship Alive?

You Date 3 Ways

3 tendencies make up how people seek out others in their life:

  • The Romancer – Thinking there is “The One” and only “The One” and “The One” will fall into your lap (sometimes literally in the person’s imagination). The “Disney Romance” fantasy. Preconceived notions of who and how relationships will go, leading to passivity and unfounded bias in life.
    • Growth: Be aggressive and proactive in finding your “One.” Loosen up the dating criteria. Come to terms that “happily ever after” is a lie – the prince/princess will have blemishes, perhaps catastrophic bumps in the road, and ultimately you both are only human.
  • The Maximizer – Knows the optimal, seeking perfection exclusively. The crusade ultimately makes the mathematically perfect (yet imaginary) partner the enemy of the great and real. Things could always be better, so when they are not, quick to ditch or seek to change others.
    • Growth: Become a Sufficer. I (a Maximizer) use this self-created advice in my life which has helped others end and start relationships: “Don’t settle but suffice.” Also helpful:
      • The Secretary Problem: Not the actual name of the mathematical optimal proof, but used in the book. A tool to determine if the “sufficient” and “optimized” choice has been made when you don’t know what options are available and a denial-to-commit cannot be undone. Grants great safety against doubts of “did I settle?”

        Figure out the sample size for dating (say, start dating at age 20, hope to be settled down by 40; 20 years). Figure out what 37% is of that (20 years = 7.4).

        Date as many people and as much as possible in the first 37% of the sample (ages 20~27), making sure not to permanently commit (e.g. marriage, children, houses, face tattoos, etc.) to anyone during that time.

        Explore, discover, and improve. When 37% is past, determine who the best person was who was dated in that time (subjective criteria of positive feels, partnership, similar goals and values, etc.).

        Then keep dating (ages 28~40) – once you find someone who is as quality or greater than the one met in the first 37%, commit and put in the work to make it work.
  • The Hesitater – “I’ll be ready when …” Based in fear, responsibility for action is sidelined in favor of side projects and goalpost moving, meaning relationships do not happen for (ultimately) meager excuses.
    • Growth: START DATING! Make friends! Get out! Now! Begin getting the numbers and experiences in, the reps and xp. Set deadlines and leverage 3rd party accountability (e.g. a friend expects a 15 minute progress report every week, etc.).

3 Ways to Attach

It is understood folks have styles of attachment to other people that come in 3 flavors (though a super-minority fourth – the Fearful – exists that needs a lot more care than a book or blog post can provide):

  • Secure – Confident and competent on their own or with others. Can set boundaries and communicate clearly. Seems nice and put together, but at the chance of seeming boring. About ~50% of the population yet scarce in the dating pool – is readily capable of making relationships (even with other styles) work, so are likely already committed.
  • Avoidant – Pulls back when things get too close. Needs independent space (even if only occasionally) and often takes it without communicating what they are doing. May pretend aloofness.
  • Anxious – Draws close. At times over-communicative, desiring feedback. Seeks care and intimacy at cost. Classically “needy.”

Secure style can bond with any other style and make it work. Avoidant and Anxious folks, however, especially since they are the majority of the dating pool, try to bond (Avoidant+Anxious) only to fall into a cycle of getting close then rubber-banding apart (Avoidant tries to meet Anxious close-space needs, eventually taking space away only to be pursued/chased by the Anxious – a vicious loop).

Attachment styles can change over time (the book says after about 4 years of personal growth or trauma). In my own experience, any style can be learned (though only Secure is worth striving to become), yet acting in it day in and out, the good times and the bad, will be many years of work – e.g. a learned-Secure person may regress to their Anxious or Avoidant tendencies given enough stress.

As another tidbit, I have seen attachment styles in other mammals too. Fascinating stuff.

Partners Are Better Than Prom Dates

“Partners” are the long-term folks who are stable, loyal, caring, and kind. Ride-or-dies through the highs and the lows. Have their s*** together with long-term (6-8 year) timelines minimum.

“Prom Dates” are the short-term folks who optimize for fun now-vs-later, good-vibes-only, go-with-the-flow, and impulsive. Enablers. Live in fantasy, thinking of at most the next few months if not just the next few days. Spicy.

Partners can be observed by their emotional stability, unconditional kindness (think, no uncalled for suffering), dedication (e.g. keeping healthy long-term relationships of any kind), growth, knows how to and does fight well, and repairs damages. They express affection, appreciation, apprehensions, and apologies right away without hesitation.

Prom Dates share important interests or hobbies and will introduce novel and “fun” things to do. They can be identified by great times out, perhaps some intense memories. Ready to go and high-burning.

While many folks say they want a long-term Partner, they almost always in the beginning look for the traits of the Prom Date: Does a potential interest share the same interests in music / movies / food? Have they been to as many countries as I have? What is their job and income? Do they cook or clean or own a home? Not watch daytime TV? Are X height and Y weight?

These are aesthetic wants and pet peeves, not what a long term relationship needs. Again: Kindness, caring, long-term timelines, emotionally stable, dedicated, growing, fights well, repairs, generally has s*** together.

While having things to do together can be important, it is not the end-all be-all of a long-term relationship. Tastes change, bodies age, priorities shift, time is finite.

Rather, focus on where more time is spent in relationships: Domestic tasks, minimal wealth thresholds (can they support themselves independently), quality of friends, respect for you and your own activities. Anything occasional could be classified as a want or a self-care/-soothing responsibility.

Tldr; Save the needs, kill the pet peeves. Fix your filters to find yourself a long-term Partner vs. the Prom Dates you have been getting.

Who Are Your OSOs?

No person should have all their wants and needs fulfilled only by a single person – that is a tragedy. Logan suggests an alternative: Other Significant Others (OSOs).

An OSO is a person important things can be shared with. Want to go rock climbing but the Partner has bad knees? Call up the OSO gym buddy. A lifelong gardener but the Partner has really bad allergies? Volunteer or start a community garden. Want to do something but the Partner doesn’t care for it? For incidentals and hobbies, it is OK to seek like-minded friends outside the 1:1 relationship.

To Date a Stranger IRL

This is going to sound a lot like the “Flirtology” post. Go there for more depth on how to meet in-real-life ~

Final chime in here: I remind you that dating is serious business. It ought be treated like a job if you aim and choose to have someone in your life for whatever reason. Be proactive, be consistent, be knowledgeable enough to know what your wants and needs are and capable enough to express them. Put in the time to grow yourself and beat the dating odds since they are in no-one’s favor.

Get off hit-and-miss apps that are designed to keep you guessing and get out IRL.

Go to public events alone (or with a great wing person not looking to hook up themselves) where you 1) enjoy the activity for its own sake, and 2) will be forced to interact with other people. Everything else is a skip in terms of where to spend your seek-a-date time.

Approach who you are interested in: Introduction (“I” statement), comment (about a context or the other person), ask (open-ended opinion question). Or, focus on props, be playful, ensure a follow-up post convo if the feels are there.

Not sure the other is interested? While you ought be gradual in finding this out, you can be upfront in asking “Are you in Love?” (Pauses here might mean they are in open dating or tentatively exclusive, yet have doubts on commitment with who they are with.) Something more casual: “I liked our conversation here and I want to talk it over with you more – how can we follow up after this?”

Still stuck on where to meet people? Get into a line 🙂

Ask Friends!

Simple: Ask your friends to set you up on dates with their friends. What have they done for you recently anyway?

Keep in mind: You must follow up on the date – respond to texts promptly, arrive on time and clean if you get to in-person. Do not let your friend (and theirs) down. Deliver feedback gently through your mutual friend.

Having trouble getting friends to cough up connections? Offer up a bounty – say, a reward for an IRL date (of course, get texting introductions out of the way first), another for 6 dates with the same person, etc. Incentives matter 💯

Ask Friends IRL ~

Maybe the answer to meeting people lies with those you have already met. Sometimes we cannot see the quality trees next to us for the vastness of the forest of possibilities.

After you read this paragraph, stop for a moment to think: Who do you know nearby that you enjoy spending time with? Trust? Can admit is attractive in mind and body to you? Is or may be open to new romantic relationships?

Thought about it? You now may have someone(s) in mind you have already built a relationship with that could be built out in other ways. It could be time to go on a friend-date and have a decidedly fateful conversation.

BEWARE: You have a level of trust with whoever your friend is. You may have shared social groups and routines that will be put at risk in escalating things. So mitigate:

You must act delicately in response to your thoughts and feelings. They are your responsibility, not your friend’s. Should the friend give indirect answers, a change of subject, or outright rejection, you must move on and avoid bringing it up again. Do not make this weird, do not betray your friend this way.

That said, you will only know if you ask something in person something such as:

Have you ever considered us as more?

So what if they say “yes?” Fantastic! Now you can get down to business in defining the relationship (more on this in another section). Something else to add should you have overlapping activities or social groups: How can the romance gracefully end if either party chooses to discontinue to preserve the joys you can still have as platonic friends and with your groups?

Anyway, a quip I often recall: Life is better with friends.

For Every Date IRL

Skipping here the online dating suggestions. Most of it is what you have likely heard before – good photos, thorough bios, initiating, meeting fast, etc. Read the book for more!

For first or thirty-first dates, a few bits of unordered mindful advice:

  1. Go on a “3rd object” (as Jean Smith puts it, a “prop”) date.
  2. See your date interact with others – service folks, randoms on the street, your friends, their friends, attractive people of all sexes and genders and races, etc.
  3. Work together at some point on the date. Collaboration is bond building. Play is a great choice!
  4. Silliness and messiness on a date can be great – it opens up conversation, shows a vulnerable side, and defuses what could otherwise be a tense meetup. While you ought be the initiator on this, go slowly to not go overboard.
  5. Dim the lights. Queue the gentle/upbeat/happy music.
  6. Show the effort being put in. Share the thought you put into choosing the place, making accommodations for the other, work done to make things happen. Effort from the person equates to value in the person.
  7. Go deep. As James Sexton put it, “get to heartbreak faster,” most easily done by acting and asking and telling like you and your date are in the middle of a romantic relationship already. Authenticity is too rare, fantasy kept alive too long.
  8. Listen. LISTEN. Listen to understand.
  9. Make sure you are telling/revealing about yourself, but be comfortable with silence and know when to ask after the other person (i.e. when to shut up when not answering a Q thoroughly yet concisely).
  10. No phones. Not in hand, not on the table, not making sound (vibration can be OK if using discretion). Ignore all texts and non-emergency calls.
  11. End on a high note (a laugh is great for this). Having a semi-flexible deadline to leave (e.g. bedtime, an alarm for 3 hours in, etc.) is a great cue and excuse for looking for that high-point departure.
  12. My additional advice based on psychology: wear red. Red is attractive, winning, and a first among otherwise equal choices.

After the date, Logan suggests taking “The Post-Date Eight” feels review (here @loganury).

How to Keep a Relationship Alive?

Addressing chemistry (i.e. “the spark”), having “the talk,” navigating trouble, recovering from breakups, super-serious committing, and bonding – read now how to do this and more in the last-half of this review.

Now you (hopefully) have a date. To take the relationship to the next step and beyond, I needed to split up >5000 words into two parts (second part here).

I have been constantly recommending “How Not to Die Alone” since it landed on my library loan shelf. I recommend it to you – while I tried to be comprehensive, there is no way, no way to communicate the same impact and influence Logan brings to the page (or audiobook, in my case).

So get started. Go figure yourself out – where you have been, where you are, where you are going, where you want to be. You have the tools, you have the ability, you can make the time.

I am still glad you are here and I want to see you back next week for the final part. Cheers to your personal growth and relationship progress in the meanwhile ~ ❤

The Best of Jean Smith’s “Flirtology”

Psychology is great.

Jean Smith’s “Flirtology” gives some of the best advice on the psychology of flirting and romantic relationship building.

While the book is chockfull of tidbits, here are the parts that ought draw a lot of attention:

  1. Prop Task: I Ask.
  2. No-Gos
  3. Go on the Second Date
  4. Act ASAP
  5. You Too Can Initiate
  6. HOT APE(S)

Prop Task: I Ask.

A reminder for myself of key points in flirting:

  • Prop – Give regard to some 3rd thing. Waiting in line*, a painting, the concert, etc.
  • Task – Don’t flirt or break the ice with others for yourself; do it because it is on your to-do list! So make the approach – it is on your to-do list ~
  • I – Make an observation from your perspective, whether about the prop or your own, positive feelings.
  • Ask – End the opener with an open-ended question (what, how) or inquisitive statement (e.g. “Tell me about …”).

*Lines are great for giving lines – everyone is in a shared activity (the line, waiting), likely bored, and going to be hanging around for a bit. However, people have no escape-routes from lines. This in mind, make a statement about the line to gauge receptivity – only in positive responses might you escalate to introductions and asks! Always be mindful of safety before comfort before joy ~


The book suggests identifying 5 no-gos to get out in the open from low-key texting or the first two dates. (It is OK if you pick between 4 and 7 – that is how most minds work.)

In those no-gos, kill pet peeves, shared activities, and aesthetic pettiness. Height ranges, job type or quality (past being able to support themselves independently), needing to like all the music you do, or enjoy your same sportsball micro-league team will mean little in the long term.

These can be positives (e.g. “the person is kind”) or negatives (e.g. “they aren’t of X political party”) – what matters are the things that will bolster or strain the day-to-day relationship, not the thing that might matter just a few hours a month or such.

But once these few things are found out, go on the first date! Then:

Go on the Second Date

By default, go on the second date.

Unless the person lied, fell out of acceptable No-Gos, or was a generally lousy human being, choose to see them again.

It is too easy for a sense of performance or work or a night’s sleep or yesterday’s lunch to impact how a person acts on the first date. The second gets more data, so save the judgements until then if they are already nifty enough to meet in person. Speaking of:


The second date can’t happen without the first. The first likely won’t happen if you wait too long.

Texting is great for finding out if the person is a poorly-masked psychopath and setting the logistics of the date. However, text is too easy to fall into – comfy, convenient, and a terrible way to get to know someone.

So stop texting frivolously. Give a “how do you do” and get a date on the calendar ASAP. Within 2 weeks of first contact should a date be down in the books or you both move on.

You Too Can Initiate

Any sex or gender, no regard to older or younger, no matter if you were the one to break the ice or came second to the party, you too can initiate getting the conversation or date going.

Better yet, you ought be initiating.

This is the 21st century. Get over your shyness, get over your fears of rejection, get over your grandparents’ idea that one must chase or be chased. This isn’t a circus; do not expect to jump or others to jump through imaginary hoops.

Speaking of rejection, one of my fave things to keep in mind for relationships: If one person is doing most/all of the asking/proposing, they are also taking on all the risk of rejection, and there is only so much rejection a person can take before they stop trying.

While secure relationships often end up 60/40 in contributions (vs. the classic 50/50 idea), both sides ought be striving to be that 60. So show up, initiate.


Humor – crack (appropriate) jokes (no matter how corny), laugh. Play, be silly.

Openness – body posture is the big one. I would stress being open about discussing relationship topics, histories, and fundamental human conditions too.

Touch – make contact. Light, innocuous locations (upper back, shoulders, arms – mind that getting closer to hands is getting closer to intimacy), and temporary (taps or brushes).

Attention – give the other person your full attention. Listen. Be there for them. Remember to also hold judgements for later except in the most dire (or boring) of cases!

Proximity – physical closeness. Don’t be in their face, yet don’t be out of arm’s reach either. Helps enable both Touch and Eye contact.

Eye contact – look at them. Just look. Eye contact does wonders for bonding two people. (Remember to blink.)

(Smile) – my addition. Could be part of humor, yet smiling is so important it demands its own recognition. Smile, folks 🙂

“Flirtology” was a quick read for me and will be for you too. Between “Prop Task: I Ask” and “HOT APE(S)”, I feel you will improve your interactions with people, whether hanging out with friends, building professional rapport, or setting up that first date.

What pet peeves or aesthetic nice-to-haves have you been keeping around? Looking forward to your own romantic criteria being cleaned up. Cheers to your self improvement!

KISS: F to C, Simple as Can Be

The United States still uses Fahrenheit to measure the weather. Rest of the world? Celsius (it is better!).

The US is not the same. That is pretty lame.

But we can deal, see? And get to where things need to be: converting Fahrenheit to Celsius and Celsius to Fahrenheit with the simplest of math for you and me.

(Yes, I know proper grammar – we are running with the rhymes not matter!)

  1. F to C
  2. C to F
  3. Feel Better Celsius
  4. What’s Left?

F to C

( F – 30 ) / 2 = C

e.g. ( 70F – 30 ) / 2 = 20C

Degrees in Fahrenheit, minus thirty, divided by two; that’s Celsius for you!

C to F

C * 2 + 30 = F

e.g. 20C * 2 + 30 = 70F

Double the degrees, add thirty right, you’ll get Fahrenheit!

Feel Better Celsius

Forget that simple math, for real? No worries! Use this that gives you Celsius’s feel:

30 is HOT 🔥

20 is Nice ~

10 is Cold 🥶

0 is Ice 😱

Celsius Limerick

What’s Left?

If you will be scientific, the equation needs to be specific:

F = C * 9 / 5 + 32

C = ( F – 32 ) * 5 / 9

Textbook F and C Conversions

5 by 9 is .56 and 9 by 5 is 1.8 – for mental calculations, these equations aren’t great 😑

So 5 by 9 is near to half, 1.8 two, using 30 by rounding gives good enough approximations for me and for you! We can show it’s true:

  • 100C ~ 230F (expected: 212F)
  • 30C ~ 90F (i.e. 86F)
  • 20C ~ 70F (68F)
  • 10C ~ 50F (50F)
  • 0C ~ 30F (32F)
  • -10C ~ 10F (14F)

That is it! That is all you need. Take these equations with you to do conversions at speed.

Until all the world uses Celsius we will live with the muss. At least this basic algebra removes a bit of the fuss.

Thank you for sitting through my rhymes – here is to you! Cheers to our next time.

Who Goes First? RPG Initiatives in Brief

Initiative – i.e. who goes first – in roleplaying games is a no-size-fits-all situation.

I have given it my shot to find a one-size solution. The result: Pick whatever feels convenient in the game and the context 🤷‍♂️

Through my research, I have come across many options to determine who goes first. This post is a brief reference – completely unexhaustive – for your own gaming inspiration, yet inspiration it may remain 🎲🎲 In no specific order:

  1. Roll (+Stat): Individual
  2. Roll (+Stat): Group
  3. Stat Only
  4. Lower Effects Go First
  5. Time to Do
  6. Action Points & Betting
  7. Popcorn
  8. Table Order
  9. All Declare, All Act
  10. When to Roll?
  11. When to Act?
  12. Surprise Gets a Free Turn

Roll (+Stat): Individual

The classic of D&D, each player rolls a die and (optionally) adds a stat for it. Better results go first!

Roll (+Stat): Group

Same as the individual, but it goes down to “us” (the players) vs. “them” (game moderator or non-player characters).

Stat Only

Whoever has the highest stats for initiative/speed/movement goes first.

Lower Effects Go First

We see this in games like the Dr. Who RPG – actions that do the least amount of effect go sooner in turn order. Example:

Talk > Move > Environment (e.g. flip a switch) > Help > Coerce Physically > Harm (w/ higher damage going later)

Time to Do

Particular to “move-and-do” combat-style games where moving is always a free action along with talking, the least time-required actions go sooner. Example:

Ranged Attacks (a flick of a finger)
Melee Attacks (a step, a move of an arm, a twist)
Heavy/Magic Actions (big and heaved devices, aiming, a few motions)
Other (complex actions with steps needing a few seconds)

Action Points & Betting

Characters have a limited resource – some “time” or “action” or “stamina” component to the game. These get spent on actions (bigger action effects cost more) or get auctioned, where higher bets go first, but risk being unable to act while others do.

The resource gets restocked automatically or the game may have mechanics that a special “recoup” or “rest” action brings them back.


A popular option, a simple die roll decides who goes first. Once done, that person picks the next person to go. The second person then picks and so on, until everyone has gone.

Elegant (one roll, no math), Popcorn leads to a gamble: do players only pick players, hoping to overwhelm their foes? If so and they fail, the enemy gets to go, then select themselves to go the next turn (since they would not have acted in the new turn), leading to a potential double whammy.

Table Order

The action order starts on the GM’s left (or determined by a roll) and proceeds clockwise.


All Declare, All Act

Everyone declares what their character(s) will do. Then the consequences are rolled for. Together, all at once.

Personally, a bit messy, but the speed of resolution and the unexpected carnage of melee can be really cool 😄

When to Roll?

When do these initiatives take effect?

If relying on pure positioning, static stat, or the type of action being taken, rolls never need happen for initiative.

Roll once at game start is another option. This keeps order steady and certain throughout a session of play.

Once every encounter is D&D‘s bread-and-butter. Only done when an interaction starts where order matters.

Lastly: roll repeatedly after everyone and everything has taken an action, e.g. at the start of every turn. (This is cumbersome and a drag – avoid it.)

When to Act?

You would expect only one character acts at a time. What happens when there are ties in determining order? Or that characters are in the same “phase” of action?

Ties can be resolved with a roll, but quality game design seeks to minimize repeat tosses of the dice.

Instead, everything that is tied or otherwise going at the same time goes at the same time! Actions are declared, actions are rolled for, and consequences are applied simultaneously. E.g. two folks can punch each other out in a brawl, or opponents can shout down or interrupt the speeches of their counterparts!

Surprise Gets a Free Turn

See just above. In virtually all cases, if an action is not detected or comes from no-where, it gets to go without consideration of what or when other characters act.

A universal in RPG design!

As I feel it, these are the most impactful initiative systems an RPG can have. While there are oodles of systems out there, these are used in many places (thereby tested), are relatively simple, rely on dice at most, and are ultimately RPG agnostic – the mechanics can work in any game (though may not always convey the same game “feel” – e.g. Dr. Who aims to minimize physical violence!).

What initiatives do you use? Have I left out a stellar example of speed and effect of play? Tell me more! I owe you one. Cheers!

P.S. This is my first post after doing my time audit – short, concise, stays high level. I will check back on how this and following posts have worked out, though I am =always= open to your feedback!

A Lawyer’s Guide to Keep Relationships Alive

No secret that I have written about what seems to be true about relationships and crowdsourced success stories. While these perspectives are valid in their own way, why not listen to someone on the front line of relationships?

Why not listen to a divorce lawyer?

On my third read-through in as many weeks, James J. Sexton’s book If You’re In My Office, It’s Already Too Late is a gold mine of insight on the land mines to look out for in relationships.

James proclaims there are a bajillion ways to have a happy relationship while the same couple of catastrophes pop up again and again. I want to share with you some of the new, the novel, and the never-grows-old advice I picked up (if you want the James’s nuance and details on relationship infidelity/sex, go the book!).

A short list:

  1. TLDR; Do These Things
  2. Epic Fail: It Takes Two
  3. Give a S***
  4. “Hit Send Now”
  5. Die on Fewer Hills
  6. Change or Die
  7. Forgive but Never Excuse Yourself

TLDR; Do These Things

There will be more, yet failing on any of these is dangerous:

  • Enforce radical communication and open honesty “early and often, often and early.” E.g.
    • Needs, wants, core values, overarching goals
    • History, current feelings, future hopes
    • Exit plans (what would an end / break look like?)
    • The physical relationship
  • Know your own needs and share them explicitly.
  • Give a s*** about your partner, bettering the relationship, and being a better person.
  • Act now on your affections, appreciations, apprehensions, and apologies.
  • Making it work > being right (don’t let the cost of ‘winning’ make losers of you both).
  • Forgive yourself for who you are, but never use who you are as an excuse to be less than excellent to yourself, your partner, society, and the world.

Lots of these have come up in my own experience as they have been shared with you, but let’s explore how any partnership takes two:

Epic Fail: It Takes Two

Relationships dissolve almost always in James’s observation because of two reasons:

  1. Not knowing what you want.
  2. Not appropriately expressing what you want.

Yet, if you feel to know what you want and are being heard, it still falls on you to go find out what the other person wants. Really, you need to:

Give a S***

Simple. Be curious, be observant, be attentive. Do both the big and small things. Do things with and without your partner, solo and social.

Make yourself better and more interesting. Support your partner in how they go about improving. Abhor stagnation (more on that below) and foster growth.

James puts forward many, many ways to do this, yet here is one to remember right now:

Get space from your partner to do your own awesome things. Come back to your partner to share your experiences. Encourage (“insist” might be a bit too strong) others to get away, have their own thing, share the uniqueness of their renewed perspective.

“Hit Send Now”

James goes over how the cancer of resentment kills, how simmering on apprehension is a miasma. His suggestion to overcome this failure?

Hit ‘send’ now.

On the email, on the text, on the call – express the thing that is bothering you (i.e. your problem) right away in “I” and “feel” terms. Get the dirt out in the open between you and another pronto so it can be addressed instead of mold in the dark where your problem becomes a problem for everyone.

Act now on these other alliterations:

  • Affection – do not wait to give and get affection, especially in cases of dedicated partnerships. James points out that when a person’s needs for affection are left to fallow, that person will look to other pastures.
  • Appreciation – do not wait to appreciate the choices another makes. They have chosen to be involved in your life, to have you in theirs, and hopefully are taking the action to make it all better. “Don’t take for granted” and all that!
  • Apprehension – do not wait to air out bad gut feels and needs for clarity. If things might be wrong, say so. Do not be the person who fails to question if there is a fire when they smell smoke.
  • Apologies – do not wait to apologize. Back to “it takes two,” there will always be something you could have done better, even if the ’cause’ of whatever the issue is might objectively be with the other. So apologize for your part, appreciate the other’s understanding and raising of their apprehensions, and remind them of your mutual affections.

Die on Fewer Hills

Jumping off the “apologies” above, being “right” or always getting a win is a lose-lose game. If you are wrong, you are a loser for being stubborn; if you are right, you are now in a relationship with a loser. How is this OK?

James suggests a novel approach: Compromise. Chill. Give fewer s***s about fewer things. Put more work into making the relationship work than flexing your own ego.

Focusing on the few allows you to put your energy into where it really matters: Your partner, your needs, and your fundamental values (pizza-vs-cheeseburger does not count).

So understand which hills are worth fighting for and which few you are ready to die on, and in the process, kill the relationship.

Change or Die

Figuratively, of course. (Really on the morbid topics today 💀 James the divorce lawyer suggests we blame the feels on him.)

If you are holding out on fewer hills, you can remain flexible. Relationships require some flexibility as no relationship remains the same (I have a few posts on how stagnation is death).

As such, “treading water” is a lot of words for “drowning.” James suggests exercising your own tolerance for change, being open to changes offered by and in your partner, and bringing new and novel ideas to the table on your own.

Forgive but Never Excuse Yourself

After hundreds of pages, James reminds us: You are only human. Fallible. Inconsistent. Sometimes tired. Capable of great compassion and great pettiness.

Forgive yourself. If you are putting in the personal- and relationship-labor to keep the partnership alive, cutting yourself slack for a slip or mistake can be tough (though will be made easier by making immediate amends).

But never, ever let “you are only human” be your excuse. You are better than your weaknesses, your base nature.

Get competent and confident. Then get more competent and more humble. Later lend a hand to your partner and others so they may be better sooner too.

As James puts forward, do these things, and you may just keep you relationships alive.

Happy Valentine’s Week!

If You’re In My Office, It’s Already Too Late is going on my bookshelf along with the likes of State of Affairs and the classic Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. (Maybe someday a blogpost of what is on my shelves…)

I hope James J. Sexton’s advice and my own commentary has been a help to you today. As said, I’m on my third but very much not final read of this work and this blog posts covers but a smidgen of the lessons profound.

Always open for more, I very much would like to hear your own suggestions for books, podcasts, and experiences that have taught you a thing or two.

Send an email or comment below – regardless, cheers to all your relationships, big and small!

When Things Blow Up – Magic Edition

  1. The Rules
  2. When Things Blow Up:

Magic in fiction is mysterious, fantastic, and often fickle. When I make games, magic is both incredibly powerful and incredibly dangerous.

To aid me at the gaming table when things inevitably blow up, I have created these foibles to emphasize the “glass” of magic-slinging, ability-wielding “glass cannons:”

The Rules

When rolling to see if an ability or spell goes off as expected, a natural 1 (on a D20, doubles under target with 2D6) is a critical failure. The character’s ability to use these powers ceases until they take a short rest and fulfill the requirements of whatever foible they roll a D20 for.

A guideline for D20 D&D-like spell levels/slots to see if they fire:

Roll AboveSpell / Ability Level
10Cantrips, 0
151, 2, 3
204, 5, 6
257, 8
D20 Guidelines to Magic

Roll at or less than the target? No magic – it sputters out.

Want to negate the critical failure so as not to lose powers and gain other ills? Immediately sacrifice a worn or wielded magic item – this foci destroys itself to protect you.

Think these difficulties are too, well, difficult? Get magic items that improve stats or automatically cast the power (scrolls, some wands), commit to rituals (i.e. take a lot of time) to gain advantage on the ability’s use, and get magic-minded friends to help (gaining +1 up to the spell’s level).*

* The idea of blood magic is a fine one to introduce to your tables: when below die target and the roll isn’t a critical failure, spent 1 hit point to improve the roll’s value by 1!

When Things Blow Up:

Putting it all here, but feel free to print the two-pager from Google Drive where any updates go first:


01. The powers turn upon their master. You are the target of the power, it doing only harm.

02. The works you wrought run wild. You and all within 15 ft of you (the room) are targets for harm.

03. This… is too much. Gain +1 exhaustion.

04. Agony wracks through your mind and body as something inside breaks. -1 to a random ability bonus.

05. Something has gone terribly wrong. Develop +1 corruption.

06. This burden has taken its toll. Disadvantage on all actions for D6 game minutes.

07. Your actions weigh heavily. Have no rest for D6 days.

08. It could be worse. Take the short rest before using your talents again.

09. Somehow you are unharmed? Against all odds, your mistakes have not cost you.

10. You blank. Immediately fall unconscious, needing another to wake you.

Wild (random / created / pure chaos)

11. You are known. Your foes will know where you are, always, along with your weaknesses for D6 days.

12. You are gone. You disappear for 24 hours.

13. You teleport. You switch physical space with your nearest foe.

14. You are another. You switch souls with your nearest foe, using their abilities and such while they use yours.

15. You fall. You immediately drop to 0 HP and must start saving throws next turn.

16. You are hobbled from being your best. You do not have surprise or advantage until after a long rest.

17. You are slowed. 10 ft moving speed, cannot fly, and last in initiative order until after a long rest.

18. You are luckless. Find that up to D6 * 100 gold or its equivalent in treasure is missing.

19. You are struck ill. Gain a curse that does not allow for you to add bonuses to your HP, such as level.

20. Chaos births onto your plane of existence. 30 ft away, a monster of impossibility blooms (D66 HP, 2D6 harm, Tier 6 25+ DOOM, 2D6 meters tall, exists D6 turns).

Sponsored (Uses Charisma) Warlocks, Clerics, Paladins

11. Silence is your only answer. (Secret:) Any intervention by the Giver is declined without notice for D6 days.

12. Meet your maker. Invoke a dialogue to know how you must improve your standing.

13. Confess and all is forgiven. Tell a different secret to each friend so that all may hear.

14. Your gratitude for these gifts is found wanting. Make a gold offering of 100 multiplied by your level and the spell level.

15. Your hubris is offending the Sponsor. Make a blood sacrifice, yours or anothers in the name of your Lord.

16. You must prove yourself. Deal D4 critical successes to those unoathed to your Bestower.

17. “I? I am a jealous one.” Only the blessings and methods of your Giver can benefit you for D6 days.

18. This is a blessing and a curse. Your nearest foe becomes endowed with the powers of your Host, increasing a tier of difficulty, restoring full health, and gaining advantage through their conflict now or upcoming.

19. Take penance for your sins. Magic and alchemical methods cannot benefit you for D6 days.

20. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?” An avatar of your Bestower, and agent of vengeance, steps through a portal 30 ft away (Tier 6 25+ DESTROYER).

Learned (Uses Intelligence) Wizards, Artificers, scrolls

11. That’s not right… Roll more than 10 + your level after a day of dedicated study to be able to use your talents again.

12. Is that what you remember? All carried food and drink, alchemical, natural, and otherwise, spoils to mold and sludge.

13. Your work has been for not. Any magic you have bestowed, enchanted, attuned to, or otherwise evoked ends.

14. A backlash of the power freezes your very nerves. Take your level in damage.

15. Well, this is embarrassing. All mundane equipment carried teleports to where you last took a short rest.

16. The lesson sears into your mind. Take 1 psychic hit automatically for D6 turns, starting now.

17. What is known becomes unknown. You are cursed to not be able to use this spell again.

18. This failure has your whole attention. Efforts to harm you count as having surprise until after a short rest.

19. Failure compounds on failure. Roll twice more on these tables.

20. The uncontrollable aspect of magic makes itself known. Roll D10 on the Wild table. 

Inherited (Uses Wisdom) Druids, Monks, Sorcerers

11. Perhaps it is for the best. You must take a long rest to regain your abilities.

12. Pushed to the edge, your wares push back. You are unattuned with all your magic items.

13. The strain has been too much. Lose a random sense until after a short rest.

14. You are nothing but a monster, it seems. All who see you break morale and gain Fear of you, friend and foe alike.

15. The thought of your unnatural destruction is the only joy. All foes in the area will not break morale and yearn to take your life immediately.

16. It is the thought that counts. For D6 days, nothing willingly accepts your influence, making all tests of your powers a difficulty higher than they would be.

17. Self-doubt consumes you. Disadvantage to use your extraordinary abilities until after a long rest.

18. Your powers are deeply disturbing to those in your presence. Disadvantage on all social tests for D6 days.

19. Your presence has not gone unnoticed. Something, somewhere, comes for you.

20. Oh… oh no. You injure yourself fundamentally, preventing use of this ability again.

You made it! Will your magic users when you bring these foibles to the table for their fumbles?

Had a lot of fun putting this list together of when things blow up with magic. Will consider a list of martial and tool use fumble tables in the future.

What would you add to these magic lists? To a martial fumble list? What has not worked in your experience and should be avoided?

In advance, thank you for the help – I appreciate your insights! Cheers to avoiding those low rolls 🎲🎲

The Final Day Art Release

The Final Day‘s grimdark end of the world has a makeover!

Page 1 of “Ink Killer”
(For the sake of your printer, please refrain from printing 😅)

This roleplaying game generator has 36 unique cataclysms to ring-in your fantasy game’s apocalypse. While made under license for Mörk Borg, the descriptions are general enough to apply to any game needing a conclusion 🔥

The Final Day comes in ‘friendly’ and ‘ink bane’ versions. The addon is available now on sale over here.

Cheers to your (fictional) ruin! 💀

Chat With an AI: ChatGPT

An edit to my January goals has been to spend time with ChatGPT to see what this learning model can do.

Below are 3300+ words of transcript from my first explorations – a table of contents can help be your guide, including to my takeaways at the end!

// Anywhere with “//” are my notes or abbreviations; everything else is verbatim.

  1. What makes long-term relationships work?
  2. Elaborate on that more.
  3. Any more suggestions?
  4. Which are the universal truths?
  5. Tell me more universal truths.
  6. Tell me 10 more universal truths.
  7. What are the most important goals for a person to have?
  8. Given that, what goals should a [// I describe myself] have?
  9. How should a person decide between goals and priorities?
  10. What other strategies can I use to make decisions?
  11. Can you expand on point 4? Decision-making tools?
  12. // Questions About Tim Ferriss
  13. // Asking ChatGPT to Make Decisions For Me
  14. How do we determine if something is sentient?
  15. Simplify that please.
  16. Is it better to assume sentience? Or better to assume a thing is not sentient?
  17. What are other sentience tests like the Turing Test?
  18. Tell me about other tests in bullet-point format.
  19. What other tests are there for sentience?
  20. // Takeaways

What makes long-term relationships work?

// In reference to the recent post.

There are many factors that can contribute to the success of a long-term relationship. Here are a few key things that can help:

  1. Communication: It’s important to be able to openly and honestly communicate with your partner about your feelings, needs, and concerns.
  2. Trust: Trust is a crucial element of any healthy relationship. It’s important to be faithful to your partner and to be honest with them.
  3. Respect: Showing respect for your partner and their feelings, needs, and boundaries is important for the health of any relationship.
  4. Compromise: No two people are exactly alike, and it’s normal to have different needs and desires. It’s important to be willing to compromise and find a way to meet each other’s needs.
  5. Love and commitment: Ultimately, love and commitment are what keep a relationship strong over the long term. It’s important to keep the love and affection alive, and to be committed to working through challenges and supporting each other.

Elaborate on that more.

Sure! Here are a few more specific things that can help make a long-term relationship work:

  1. Establish a strong foundation: Building a strong foundation in the early stages of a relationship can set the stage for success over the long term. This can include things like developing a shared sense of purpose, establishing trust, and creating healthy communication patterns.
  2. Make time for each other: It’s important to make time for each other and to prioritize the relationship, even when life gets busy.
  3. Practice forgiveness: It’s normal for conflicts to arise in any relationship, and it’s important to be able to forgive each other when mistakes are made.
  4. Seek support when needed: If you’re facing challenges in your relationship, it can be helpful to seek support from a therapist or other trusted resource.
  5. Keep the romance alive: It’s important to keep the love and affection alive in a long-term relationship. This can include things like regular date nights, surprise gestures, and finding new and exciting ways to connect.

Any more suggestions?

Here are a few more suggestions for what can help make a long-term relationship work:

  1. Practice gratitude: Taking the time to express gratitude and appreciation for your partner can help strengthen the bond between you.
  2. Maintain independence: It’s important to maintain your own interests and independence within the context of a committed relationship.
  3. Set goals together: Setting goals and working towards them together can help give you a sense of purpose and direction as a couple.
  4. Practice good self-care: Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally can help you be a better partner and support the overall health of the relationship.
  5. Stay connected: Staying connected with your partner, both emotionally and physically, can help keep the relationship strong over the long term. This can include things like regular communication, physical touch, and shared activities.

Which are the universal truths?

// I have taken a gander at this myself.

// Response here after trying to find out what Truth is and what the truest things in the universe are.

There are many things that are considered to be universal truths, which are generally defined as truths that are true for all people at all times and in all places. Some examples of universal truths might include:

  1. The existence of gravity and the fact that objects will fall towards the Earth if they are not supported.
  2. The laws of thermodynamics, which describe how energy is transformed and exchanged in the universe.
  3. The fundamental principles of mathematics, such as the commutative and associative properties of addition and multiplication.
  4. The fundamental principles of logic, such as the law of non-contradiction, which states that a statement cannot be both true and false at the same time.

It is important to note, however, that even these universal truths are subject to revision and reinterpretation as new evidence becomes available and our understanding of the world evolves.

Tell me more universal truths.

Some other examples of things that are often considered to be universal truths include:

  1. The existence of cause and effect, which is the idea that events and actions have consequences that can be traced back to their origins.
  2. The fundamental principle of equality, which holds that all people are deserving of equal rights and opportunities.
  3. The fact that change is an inherent part of the universe, and that all things are constantly evolving and in a state of flux.
  4. The idea that honesty and integrity are important values that should be upheld by all people.

Again, it is important to note that these are just a few examples of universal truths, and that there may be many other things that are considered to be true for all people at all times and in all places. The concept of universal truth is a complex and multifaceted one, and different people may have different understandings of what constitutes a universal truth.

Tell me 10 more universal truths.

Here are 10 more examples of things that are often considered to be universal truths:

  1. The fundamental principle of cause and effect, which states that every action or event has a cause that can be traced back to its origin.
  2. The fact that the universe is governed by natural laws, such as the laws of physics, which describe how matter and energy interact.
  3. The idea that honesty and integrity are important virtues that should be upheld by all people.
  4. The fundamental principle of equality, which holds that all people are deserving of equal rights and opportunities.
  5. The fact that change is an inherent part of the universe, and that all things are constantly evolving and in a state of flux.
  6. The idea that honesty and trust are important foundations for healthy relationships.
  7. The idea that respect and tolerance for others are important values that should be upheld by all people.
  8. The concept of personal responsibility, which holds that individuals are responsible for their own actions and decisions.
  9. The idea that hard work and dedication are necessary for achieving goals and success.
  10. The concept of fairness, which holds that people should be treated equally and with justice.

What are the most important goals for a person to have?

There are many different goals that are important to different people, and the most important goals will depend on an individual’s values, priorities, and circumstances. However, here are a few goals that are generally considered important for personal growth and well-being:

  1. Achieving financial stability and security: Having a stable financial foundation can provide a sense of security and freedom to pursue other goals and interests.
  2. Maintaining physical and mental health: Good physical and mental health are crucial for overall well-being and the ability to lead a fulfilling life.
  3. Building and maintaining strong relationships: Strong relationships with family, friends, and loved ones can provide a sense of connection, support, and purpose.
  4. Pursuing personal interests and passions: Engaging in activities that are personally meaningful and enjoyable can bring a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
  5. Contributing to the well-being of others: Helping others and making a positive impact on the world can bring a sense of purpose and satisfaction.
  6. Achieving personal growth and self-improvement: Setting goals and working towards personal growth can lead to a sense of accomplishment and self-esteem.

It’s important to remember that these are just a few examples, and the most important goals will vary from person to person.

Given that, what goals should a [// I describe myself] have?

It’s difficult for me to say exactly what goals a person in this situation should have, as everyone’s goals and priorities are unique to them. However, here are a few goals that this person might consider setting for themselves:

  1. Finding meaningful work or a career that aligns with their values and interests: Being financially secure is important, but finding work that is personally fulfilling and engaging can bring a sense of purpose and satisfaction.
  2. Maintaining and improving physical and mental health: This can involve setting goals related to exercise, nutrition, stress management, and other factors that contribute to overall well-being.
  3. Building and maintaining strong relationships: This can involve spending time with friends and family, cultivating new relationships, and finding ways to strengthen existing ones.
  4. Pursuing personal interests and passions: This might involve taking up new hobbies, learning new skills, or finding ways to engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.
  5. Making a positive impact on the world: This could involve volunteering, charitable work, or finding ways to contribute to causes that are important to the person.

Again, these are just a few examples, and the most important goals will depend on the individual’s values, priorities, and circumstances.

How should a person decide between goals and priorities?

Deciding on goals and priorities can be a challenging but important process, as it allows a person to focus their time and energy on the things that matter most to them. Here are a few steps that can help a person decide on their goals and priorities:

  1. Reflect on your values: Take some time to think about the things that are most important to you. These might include things like family, relationships, personal growth, financial security, health, career, and more.
  2. Identify your long-term and short-term goals: Think about the things you want to accomplish in the short term (e.g., within the next year) and in the long term (e.g., within the next five years or longer).
  3. Prioritize your goals: Consider which goals are most important to you and which ones you would like to focus on first. This can help you prioritize your time and energy and make progress towards the things that matter most to you.
  4. Review and adjust your goals as needed: As you make progress on your goals and priorities, you may find that some of them are no longer as important to you or that you need to adjust your approach. It’s important to be flexible and open to adjusting your goals as needed.

Remember that it’s okay to have multiple goals and priorities, and it’s normal for these to change over time. The most important thing is to focus on what matters most to you and to take steps to make progress towards your goals.

What other strategies can I use to make decisions?

// If this is not enough, check out my decision guide.

Here are a few strategies that can help you make decisions:

  1. Consider the pros and cons: Making a list of the potential benefits and drawbacks of each option can help you weigh the potential outcomes and make a more informed decision.
  2. Seek advice from trusted friends, family, or professionals: Sometimes it can be helpful to get input from others who have different perspectives or expertise.
  3. Reflect on your values and priorities: Consider how each decision aligns with your values and what is most important to you.
  4. Use decision-making tools: There are many tools and techniques that can help you make decisions, such as decision trees, cost-benefit analyses, and the “six thinking hats” method.
  5. Take your time: Don’t feel rushed to make a decision. It’s okay to take the time you need to gather information and think things through.
  6. Trust your instincts: Sometimes, despite all the analysis and deliberation, you may need to rely on your gut feelings to make a decision.

Ultimately, the best approach will depend on the situation and your personal decision-making style. It’s okay to try out different strategies and find what works best for you.

Can you expand on point 4? Decision-making tools?

Certainly! Here are a few examples of decision-making tools that can help you structure your decision-making process:

  1. Decision trees: A decision tree is a graphical representation of possible decision paths and the outcomes associated with each path. It can be helpful for understanding the potential consequences of different choices.
  2. Cost-benefit analysis: A cost-benefit analysis involves comparing the costs and benefits of each option to determine which one is the most favorable.
  3. Six thinking hats: The six thinking hats method is a decision-making tool that involves considering a problem from six different perspectives: white (objective facts), red (emotions), black (cautious evaluation), yellow (optimistic evaluation), green (creative evaluation), and blue (planning and organization).
  4. SWOT analysis: SWOT analysis involves examining the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats of each option in order to make a decision.
  5. Multi-criteria decision analysis: This is a structured approach to decision-making that involves evaluating multiple options based on a set of criteria.

Again, these are just a few examples, and there are many other tools and techniques that can help with decision-making. It’s important to find the approach that works best for you and the specific situation you are facing.

// Questions About Tim Ferriss

What are 10 ways Tim Ferriss makes decisions?
How would Tim Ferriss make decisions?
What has Tim Ferriss written about dealing with decision making?

// along the lines of:

I’m sorry, but I do not have access to information about what specific individuals have written or spoken about. However, I can provide general information about decision-making and strategies that may be helpful to you. If you have any specific questions about decision-making, I would be happy to try and assist.

// Asking ChatGPT to Make Decisions For Me

Should I have peanut butter crackers or spinach ravioli?
Can you simplify that response?

Certainly! When deciding between peanut butter crackers and spinach ravioli, consider the nutritional content of each option, how easy they are to prepare and eat, and your personal preferences. If you are trying to make a healthy choice, make sure to consider your overall dietary needs and aim for a balanced diet. Choose the option that sounds the most appealing and meets your nutritional needs.

How do we determine if something is sentient?

There is no strict definition of sentience that is universally accepted, so it can be difficult to determine if something is sentient. Some people consider sentience to be the ability to experience consciousness, while others define it as the ability to experience subjective states, such as emotions or pain. There are also some who believe that sentience is closely linked to the ability to think, reason, and make decisions.

There are several approaches that scientists and philosophers have proposed for determining if something is sentient. One approach is to look for signs of self-awareness, such as the ability to recognize oneself in a mirror or to understand that one’s thoughts and actions have consequences. Another approach is to look for evidence of subjective experience, such as the ability to feel pleasure or pain. However, it can be difficult to determine if something is truly experiencing these states, as it is not always possible to know what another being is thinking or feeling.

In general, it is important to approach the question of sentience with caution and to be open to the possibility that our understanding of sentience may change as we learn more about the nature of consciousness and the universe.

Simplify that please.

Sure, here is a simpler explanation:

Sentience is the ability to experience consciousness and subjective states such as emotions and pain. It is not always easy to determine if something is sentient because there is no strict definition that is universally accepted. Scientists and philosophers have suggested looking for signs of self-awareness or evidence of subjective experience as ways to determine if something is sentient. However, it can be difficult to know for certain if another being is truly experiencing these states. It is important to approach the question of sentience with caution and to be open to the possibility that our understanding of sentience may change as we learn more about consciousness and the universe.

Is it better to assume sentience? Or better to assume a thing is not sentient?

It is generally better to assume that other beings are sentient until there is evidence to the contrary. This is because it is often difficult to know for certain if something is sentient, and it is important to err on the side of caution when it comes to the treatment of other beings.

Assuming that other beings are sentient means treating them with respect and consideration, and not causing them unnecessary harm or suffering. This approach is based on the principle of “moral considerability,” which holds that certain beings deserve moral consideration and respect simply because they are capable of experiencing consciousness and subjective states.

On the other hand, assuming that something is not sentient means that it may not be accorded the same moral consideration and protection as sentient beings. This could potentially lead to the mistreatment or exploitation of beings that may be sentient but are not recognized as such.

In general, it is important to approach the question of sentience with an open mind and to be willing to revise our assumptions if new evidence arises.

What are other sentience tests like the Turing Test?

// after a definition of the Turing Test:

There are several other tests that have been developed to determine if something is sentient, including:

  1. The “Mirror Test”: This test is used to determine if an animal is self-aware. In the test, a mark is placed on an animal’s body, and the animal is then presented with a mirror. If the animal recognizes the mark as being on its own body and not on the reflection in the mirror, it is considered to be self-aware.
  2. The “Pains Test”: This test is used to determine if an animal is capable of experiencing pain. In the test, an animal is subjected to a painful stimulus, such as a pinprick, and its behavior is observed to see if it reacts to the stimulus in a way that is consistent with pain.
  3. The “Sentience Test”: This test is used to determine if an animal is capable of experiencing subjective states such as pleasure or pain. In the test, an animal is presented with a choice between two options, one of which is associated with a positive experience (such as food) and the other with a negative experience (such as a mild electric shock). If the animal consistently chooses the option associated with the positive experience, it is considered to be capable of experiencing subjective states.

// more caution on approaching sentience

Tell me about other tests in bullet-point format.

// not what was intended, but still cool:

  • The “Mirror Test”:
    • Used to determine if an animal is self-aware
    • A mark is placed on the animal’s body and it is presented with a mirror
    • If the animal recognizes the mark as being on its own body and not on the reflection in the mirror, it is considered to be self-aware
  • The “Pains Test”:
    • Used to determine if an animal is capable of experiencing pain
    • The animal is subjected to a painful stimulus and its behavior is observed
    • If the animal reacts to the stimulus in a way that is consistent with pain, it is considered to be capable of experiencing pain
  • The “Sentience Test”:
    • Used to determine if an animal is capable of experiencing subjective states such as pleasure or pain
    • The animal is presented with a choice between two options, one of which is associated with a positive experience and the other with a negative experience
    • If the animal consistently chooses the option associated with the positive experience, it is considered to be capable of experiencing subjective states.

What other tests are there for sentience?

There are many other tests that have been proposed for determining if something is sentient. Some of these tests include:

  1. The “Consciousness Test”: This test is based on the idea that consciousness is a fundamental aspect of the universe and that all beings that are capable of experiencing consciousness are sentient. In this test, scientists look for signs of consciousness, such as the ability to process information, make decisions, and exhibit flexible behavior.
  2. The “Experience Test”: This test is based on the idea that sentience is closely tied to the ability to experience subjective states such as pleasure and pain. In this test, scientists look for evidence of subjective experience, such as the ability to feel pleasure or pain, or the ability to express emotions.
  3. The “Intelligence Test”: This test is based on the idea that sentience is closely tied to the ability to think, reason, and solve problems. In this test, scientists look for evidence of intelligence, such as the ability to learn, adapt, and understand complex concepts.

// warnings

// Takeaways

Wow. That is… a lot.

ChatGPT is undeniably an =intense= tool. Not listed in the transcript above: Code writing, code correction, log-line making, voice acting demo script writing, personal advice, and rewrites of poetry. It can break down complex ideas, expound on digests, summon levels of creativity, provide examples, and so (too?) much more.

Yet in my experience, it is just that: a tool. At this point, it does not replace a human eye to construct appropriate questions, verify the output, explore results, and finally apply everything provided.

Will this tool get better? Of course. Will machine models like this remove redundancy in the so-far-exclusive job market? Also yes – I cannot foresee a future where services like ChatGPT are left by the wayside.

The full ramifications of ChatGPT are yet to be seen, though companies such as Microsoft are already investing billions into the platform while Google has refactored its org to improve natural-language interpretation (what ChatGPT does).

My speculation is moot – I have not the technical knowledge, proximity to the work, nor the philosophical credentials to comment. All I will say is that ChatGPT is useful, will be used by folks such as I, and the tool and its ilk will only be used more and more.

I encourage you to check out unaffiliated ChatGPT – let me know what you have found or have had it do! Until then, cheers to your chatting ~

All I Know About Business

All I knew about business was nil before the business study and review of 2022.

Now – after dozens of articles read and hours of education from books and virtual mentors – all I know about business comes down to a few key points. I share these with you to save your time and brainpower. Sound good?

Before going on: What doesn’t sound good is considering me or any of this as legal or financial advice. As this post mentions, go seek out the licensed and recognized professionals. Treat the below as the starting blocks on the tracks – up to you to run (and win) the race~

Before You Begin: Vision & Values

Note: Many folks would suggest getting ideas for business as the first thing before starting said business. That is junk. Ideas are cheaper than dirt and often less useful. Ideas and intentions are nothing – actions and executions are everything.

Before anything ought be done, the means of deciding direction for the business, the foundation of deciding how to decide, need to be reflected on. Getting this right filters ideas and efforts into what will “move the needle” and define what that needle even is.

Some less-tangible principles ought include:

  • Do not sell suffering.
  • Do not sell suffering! (So important, it lists twice!)
  • Competition is for chumps; fight unfair. (What are you willing to do or leverage?)

More solid tenants of putting together a business include:

  • Never choose the lowest offer nor the safest / more conservative route.
  • Find the missing services and underserved populations for open markets.
  • Listen to symptoms for they are valid. Curing causes is your service and product.

Use all of this to make a business plan that outlines the ‘thing’ to be sold.

The ways to make a business plan are plentiful, but I am a fan of the 5-page Servicemen’s Readjustment Act (“G.I. Bill”) that has served many millions who have served in the United States military forces over more than half a century. If your entire business model can’t be read in 15 minutes or less, rethink it.

Remove, Butcher, Reduce!

Simple concept here: FOCUS.

Doing too much – whether starting or maintaining a business – leads to disaster. A business or business owner doing too much does the work of dividing and conquering itself, work that ought to be left up to the competition.

Concentrating forces is an ageless tenant of armed conflict which applies directly to making and keeping gains in a hostile marketplace. This is valuable for both physical effort and psychological branding.

Think: The word “Coke” brings to mind soft drinks – its focus – though the business owns and operates much more. “Google” has become synonymous for online searching and got to that point well before Alphabet ever branched to other markets. Amazon was the best at selling books (then other media) online for years before branching outside literature to additional products and departments.

Niche down so the first and second place providers make up at least ~10% of the chosen market. Prove at least on paper the business is to be the #1 or #2 choice in the market.

Again with “competition is for chumps:” if you cannot be the best, best not bother!

Same applies to the owner – sometimes wearing a lot of hats is necessitated in an emergency. I might not go to a dentist for kidney surgery, but I would rely on their training in a pinch given a medical emergency!

So for anyone in the business, wearing too many hats is a division of attention and effort, the context switching a burden to the business. Therefore, owners (and businesses) must find what they are great at, do and only do that, and hire out or drop everything else.

Getting to the ‘Great At’

Glad to see my conclusions written on before apply here too.

What can the business be great at? Figure it with a few (or all) of these:

  • Use 80/20 (really, 90/10) lists of strengths.
  • Simplify – what makes all else unnecessary?
  • What gets the people in the business excited to work on indefinitely?
  • Name the thing that can be exponentially scalable and repeatable regardless of person (e.g. templates, automation, one-and-done products, standard operating procedures, etc.).

And perhaps the most important tidbit if the thing is truly great: not-to-do lists.

What is lame? Unexciting? What is the business and people in it actively bad at? If it does not jeopardize some mundane necessity of the business, delegate it to the outside or drop it entirely.

The bad and lame stuff is easy to avoid doing. What about the merely good? The trivially fun parts or areas that “should” be tackled? Warren Buffet has a famous exercise on making not-to-do lists:

Make a list of 25 goals / strengths / et. al, then circle the top / most important / greatest leverage 5 goals. Those 5 need a plan of action started on immediately. The other 20? DO NOT DO AT ANY COST. Avoid like the plague! At least until some of the primary things are accomplished and proven steady.

Right Butts, Right Seats

Finished Good to Great by Jim Collins before ’22’s end. Jim, others, and I agree: getting the right people into the business and onto the right tasks is required for successful business operation.

Hiring the right folks feeds into doing less: efficient people working on business-efficient tasks contributes to a virtuous circle of improvement.* Fewer people are required when only the business-best are kept in house while the sometimes-needed work is done elsewhere.

*Note: Every ‘thing’ done is done in support of the business’s operations (never just because of the business). Whether the thing is given for free to help build target audience trust, adds to a backlog of deployable things, eases the future making of things, or is sold immediately, it must contribute to progressing operations.

Though not exhaustive by any means, some folks here are those who ought be specialists doing only what they do best:

  • Technology / Programmers
  • Creatives / Artists / Writers
  • Financiers / Accountants / Sales
  • Attorneys / Policy Enforcers
  • Business Leaders / Public Faces

Depending on business needs, these specialists may only be needed occasionally so their seats should be hired out.

Out of all of the above, ‘Business Leaders,’ i.e. management, should be kept at the barest of minimums. Efficient people need less oversight: they find work, they do work, they deliver work, and they discipline themselves to keep being efficient every day. Traditional management is made redundant by having the right butts in the right seats.

Marketing Is King

Virtually no-one and no resource failed to mention the importance of marketing.

The short story is: Market. The long story: MARKET MARKET MARKET.

But how? An answer should be a different post since I loathe doing my own marketing (really, a massive weakness). Yet other folks offer their tidbits:

  • Out of sight, out of mind, and a business never wants to be out of mind.
  • Know the business target and their pains / aspirations; offer solutions frequently, some for free.
  • Have press kits (a repeatable, one-and-done process).
  • Network like a fiend; be everywhere.
  • Again, give at least 51% of value for free, but never fail to “ask for the order.”

Building a target audience means building loyalty. Giving resources (tools, a challenge to self-select) to the audience proves the business’s loyalty to them. If 1,000 true fans can be made excited for the business offer, the business will be just fine.

But always remember these two points: First impressions count, and, trust between two parties is like a string – once broken, it can be retied, but shall always have the knot in between them (parable paraphrase).

Cash Is King

Marketing still takes the bigger crown, yet it must pay tribute to cash.

Cash is payroll. Cash is product. Cash is service. Cash is survivability. Cash is the very lifeblood of the business. Cash is king.

If a business cannot survive, it is nothing. Thereby, a business must keep its cash and get more cash.

Keeping cash involves cutting costs. Between there only being only so much one can cut and needing to spend well enough to ensure the best people do not leave their seats, cutting costs is a poor business’s desperation that is too easily taken too far.

To get more cash, a few things help that we’ve covered before here (seeing that virtuous circle in action!):

  • Ask for everything (especially the order!).
  • Do not offer to pay before the price is set (heck, it might come free).
  • Spend another’s money – loans, pre-orders, subscriptions, and externalized-cost resources are primary tools in the cash belt.
  • Recurring revenue models trump single-purchase things every time – go get that subscription! Or, “give away razors to sell razor blades.”
  • Invest in good bookkeeping – paying less in taxes is not a goal, but can be a perk.


Make a plan. Act on it. Just do it. Today, immediately after reading this post. Go go go!

Pontificating about business is like an idea: Virtually worthless. A seed in the ground that bears neither shade nor fruit.

Really, ends make the means in business. And a business only gets to the end by starting now. Get the principles and plan together, complete the legal stuff of business creation, and get to it.

Running a business is a job. The owner an employee. This person is the bottom-rung employee. They will do the most great work, and the most trivial, unfun junk so that the right people can keep doing their business-add work.

The grind as the lowest totem on the pole will last, and it will last a while. General advice to new business owners: Do not give in until at least a year is past putting in those long days and weeks.

Review, Reflect, Inspect, Pivot

While launching this new thing of business, course correct along the way. Test prices and offers. Collect data point and metric possible on both the target audience and internal operations. Pause, review, and reflect on these findings.

Sometimes close inspection of the business and the market might require a pivot. This might be a new approach to the ‘thing’ of the business, or it might require a complete change of horse.

Examples: Big-box Walmart is putting an end to the dime store, the business’s core service? Best to ditch the dime stores in favor of the changing environment. Netflix is sending rented DVDs straight to the mailbox? Either Blockbuster needs to make a better offer for sending DVDs, change how or what it rents, or close shop.

Ultimately, a business must also consider what a fundamental end looks like – when to give up, when to sell, or when and if to grow after a year’s or decade’s diligence. General advice is to start now, but when to hang up the towel or venture forth from a well-established niche is up to the context and temperament of the business.

Last Bit of Business

In all this study, I came up with my own thoughts of things or picked up interesting notions along the way:

  • Envision success, failure, and an exit to anything, i.e. plan.
  • Remove those who would criticize a venture without a critique of how to make it work.
  • Obligations: Sleep is #1, work is #2, study and review #3, and leisure or other obligations #4 in the first year (#3 and #4 could be interchanged). If this cannot be afforded, re-evaluate if a business is the right choice for you at this time.
  • A business takes a long time to build, but no time to destroy.
  • For any business operator, forgive yourself for the lost opportunities spent on making the business come to fruition.

That is all I know about business, folks.

Like any field of study, we could go so, so much deeper into the topic of business. If interested, there are great folks out there who have much better expertise than I in these things.

Wrote this post as a reference to my future self that – should I take the opportunity to get into business again – can save a bit of time. Any other points you would add that seem to be universals?

In the meantime, I hope these work as principles for you in your professional, personal, and social ventures! Cheers to your successes ~