critique – Jimmy Chattin

Civil War Said a Lot

Author note: Originally published in June 2025, I took the post down as some events transpired. Putting this back up in November with minor touchups.

Guess who’s back!?? Been a minute; will almost certainly be a minute more before the next one. Why is a long story; why I want to blog on this is a tad shorter.

I carried out a citizen’s duty just the other day. I then watched the 2024 movie Civil War. While there was a lot of talk that the movie did not take a strong stance politically, I wholeheartedly disagree. Instead, Civil War was merely ahead of its time, speaking not to then, but of our future, the here and now.

The context is that in the very near future – a decade at most, two decades being far too long – the United States has splintered into a warm-not-scalding (no indication of NBC’s being deployed) second civil war. Many factions partake – Feds, Western Forces, Florida, Alaska, Greenland, more – but only two are followed closely in the movie: the Western Forces of California and Texas, and the Feds with a third term president of the Disunited States. The WF is on the offensive, besieging the Feds in Washington DC with the sole immediate goal of dislodging the president.

Again, at release Civil War was said to not do enough calling out of the 2020s’ political climate, adding labels to the sides in the war. I agree at times – the audience cannot differentiate between the fighters easily, who controls what, etc. as the madness is faceless. It is simply Americans killing Americans. Lone wolves and detached military elements fighting suburb to suburb, speaking the same language, dressing often the same way. There though is where the similarity begins to thin.

The Western Forces, et. al

Hear me out: the WF represents today’s non-MAGA groups. Here’s why:

Everyone not the Feds are the “insurrectionists”. Much like 2025’s politics, there is MAGA (singular) and everyone else (plural, but of the ‘other’ side). In the movie, irregulars make up the WF – civilian dress with body armor and a smattering of US uniforms, much like the start of the OG US Civil War more than a century ago (both sides wore similar and mismatched uniforms early on). So long as the gun shoots and the armor stops a bullet and gas guzzles, the WF is unified by a singular purpose of ‘not the Feds’.

There is a point that the president is referred to be alongside famous historical dictators. I write this line on “No Kings” Day on June 14th (and after more have happened with record participants), a nationwide protest to how GOP administrators are conducting themselves in Washington DC. No kings, no dictators, no illusion to what ‘side’ the WF is on vs what side the Civil War president is on.

WF is implied to have ties to the rest of the world, ie Europe, perhaps China (or certainly China, as a character is shot for being from Hong Kong). Which political party today has cried for isolationism? Wars-of-a-kind (trade) with Europe, China? Especially dislikes China? (Pronounce “China” in your head in any way that comes to mind.)

Lastly, the main elements of the WF are California and Texas. This pair makes up about 20% and more of the total US population today, not to mention being the top two largest economies in the States. With population, access to oceans of trade, separate but similar cultures of independence, oil and natural resource self-sufficiency, depos of technology and industry, and economies that dwarf most other nations in the world, they kick serious behind in Civil War. In the real world, California has also been the target of GOP federal interference as of late, but CA being a liberal state does not account for Texas; rather, the killer combo of robust economy and dense population correlate very strongly with more liberal tendencies historically and cross-culturally. That doesn’t sound too MAGA.

All that is for the WF, who seem to be the ‘good-enough’ guys despite plenty of war crimes (e.g. prisoner execution*). What about the Feds?

Feds, ie The United States

The next evolution of modern MAGA. In the order that I jotted down from the movie:

The administration kills the press on sight anywhere near Washington DC. What other administration is actively hostile to the White House press pool?

The president sits in his unconstitutional third term. (Someone has mentioned third terms lately.)

A blonde, full-flag waving suicide bomber blows themselves up in a group of thirsty civilians full of women, children, and the elderly. The “full-flag” is what the Feds fly. Cheating a little bit and putting the last point I note below here: the Secret Service too dies to a man defending the man in the White House, a demonstration of extreme fanaticism (this after the regular Fed army had surrendered, making the end of the war inevitable). Such zealotry to a single man shows echoes of a unified party line, arguably the strongest suit of one party over the others in today’s age.

(This is not a jab at the Secret Service who aim to do their job today to the utmost and more of capability. The difference of the movie is that the Secret Service seem to have forgotten the oath to the Constitution [not a man] they would have taken today.)

Killing citizens isn’t just left up to lone wolf murderers. Rather, it is mentioned casually (such a regular thing) that the president has a pattern of ordering the execution of citizens. Might imply a lack of due process, sure, but it does stand that a particular president now is ordering federal soldiers to take the place of police and to use force on civilians in California, Chicago, and elsewhere. Just sayin’.

Inflation is rampant ($300 USD buys a sandwich). Over the last few months, the real fed chairman has pushed back on dictated economic policies over extreme concerns of inflation; policies dictated by a particular party. With food and other consumables becoming prohibitively expensive for many in November 2025, the trend is towards a $300 lunch under the current administration’s policies.

“Greatest victory in the history of military campaigns” and “very great defeat” and trumpeting a ‘great nation’ and that ‘those guys’ are the baddies and other hyperbole, that the US will be made great again once the internal threats (of the Western Forces) are removed… Like, those words are in the title of the controlling political body today.

A very stark scene is super disturbing and scary (you have been warned; check it out). It shows three uniformed – yet unmarked – soldiers filling a mass grave with plainclothes corpses. While the actors show no flag, these troops have had time to dig a large hole just outside the nation’s capital while a war is going on (not something you would expect the advancing WF to have time to do as they spearhead for Washington). Special note is made in movie too that 1) these soldiers do not want to be seen in a criminal act, and 2) Feds kill civilians. Further, these soldiers care an awful lot about where people are from, how American the movie’s protagonists are, killing one outright literally because “China”. Not the same as present “illegal immigrant” discourse, but with national paramilitary forces brandishing weapons behind masks and disappearing civilians, it seems to more than rhyme.

A final, and perhaps the weakest observation: Financial Times commentator Robert Armstrong tagged the term “TACO” for a president that “always chickens out” in our timeline. That the Fed military leaders caved when under siege, or that the president begs not to die, or how an entire government failed to uphold what are the present day oaths of office and legal framework of the Constitution, speaks to how much spine the movie’s Feds have. (Zealots not included.)

* War Crimes

Remember the Western Forces killing prisoners? No-capture orders? If a hypothetical military is faced with suicide bombers and diehard fanatics, with at least two legislative and justice systems that got the nation into such a mess, one might hypothetically sympathize with that policy. Hypothetical international courts can hash it out after the hypothetical war.

Lines Crossed, Lines Read Between

That is my hot take 🤷‍♂️ In the 2024 movie Civil War, the Western Forces are less liberal than the Feds are more MAGA.

Reading in between the lines? Looking at things with 20/20 hindsight? Blinded and biased and up too late typing this???

To quote the movie, “Once you start asking yourself those questions, you can’t stop. So we don’t ask. We record, so other people ask.” I am asking and asking you to ask too.

G’night for now. Cheers ~

Long Overdue 2024 Retro

Ha! And would say “long overdue blog post,” wouldn’t you agree?

I aim to make up for that this afternoon – let’s jam:

IDK

Huge theme of 2024 was “I don’t know”. Read more about my live or die, work or retire, yes or no year here.

Money Makes Little Sense

I have spent years (arguably since I was single digits saving money for trading cards) thinking about finance. Study, application, saving, investing, spending, and screwing around to find out.

Money still is a black box to me.

I have been lucky with uneducated “I like the stock” and “monk mode” strategies – ask me in person and I will tell you the same.

Yet here I am. Money in the bank and not a lot of time to spend it; even less in 2024 when no expense was too much, no time long enough to spend, no physicality left to enjoy…

What does one do when working-for-pay is more a hamper on the day-to-day than a help? See above: IDK (yet; fishing for insight here).

Know Thyself

Know.

Know what you would do. Know what kind of context will make you do what you would. Know how far the context must go until principles are broken and there is nothing left to do.

Know.

F- Weakness

A thing written in 2025 I ought not write here summed up a general feeling of 2024: f- weakness.

Be better. Be scared to death to die slowly. Never ask for weakness. Never tolerate weakness. Demand the strength to endure and affect change; deny complacency and unintentional ease.

A common understanding in the gym is to never let go of weights to crash on the floor – every moment of rest is better when it is intentional to let down the mill stone.

A last snippet discovered while on a run to be stronger: Society exists because of Law and Order. Law and Order exist because the State reserves the right to enact consequences for breaking Law and Order (i.e. Violence). The State may only enact Violence when it has a people to do so in a Good and Justly. A Good and Just manner only exists when wrong could be done yet is not. The opportunity to do both wrong and to hold-back wrong rests in the hands of a strong people able to do both. Therefore, to be strong (i.e. not weak) is the most patriotic and self-less thing a person can commit to to make for a better society. #rant

Piano on a Wire

Whether a cat in a poison box, the hanging Sword of Damocles, an acme farce of a literal piano on a wire, no one is prepared to die.

Sure, we do this and that to delay the boatman a few moments more, yet those investments are a wish, not guarantee. As a general once put it: Plans are nothing.

But yet, hark to a moment of hope: Planning is everything.

Very few plan to die. Even those that contemplate their mortality cannot ready for the unknown-unknowns that come for their life. I was not, despite years of walking with the though of the end. I venture to guess most folks never are.

I am unsure if there is a way to gird for dying. Perhaps the planning to arrange a fine end? Reminding oneself of heroism and courage? Building the pyramid to be laid to rest in?

Or maybe the best way to prepare to die is to live a wonderous and vivacious life to the very end, surprise or plan. Certainly sounds like a hopeful way to give our oblivion the big middle finger.

Figure Out How to Invest

Money, sure. But too for priorities, a priority’s priorities. Then be ruthless in your decisions and actions thereupon.

For me passing money goals and nearly passing away lets me choose in this order of importance how to exchange my time and attention:

Health
- Sleep. Food. Exercise. Therapy. Physique. These are daily and the most important needs.
Relationships
- Friends. Family. Social. Romantic. These are life-long to live a better life.
Work
- Money. I hope to change this to “Duty”, what I feel I ought do on the daily rather than till for coin. Otherwise at the very least, hope to bonk this down a level.
Hobbies
- Joys. Curiosities. Explorations. Creativity. Growth. I tinker and toy and play my way all the life-long to add that flavor of life

Invest too in ethics and legacy – ethics seeks to ruin Evil, legacy is immortality. Ethics may spare your life, legacy will guarantee it

–

2024 was pretty icky with hard lessons ~~survived~~ learned. Cheers to you and I having a finer 2025 ~

’23 and Me Highlight Reel

Last year was all about travel, health, and the making of enjoyable things.

Who knew we would have more of the same? Plans tend to be useless, though the planning was priceless:

How All Those Plans Turned Out

Work, Life – I had thoughts on turning writing, game making, and voice acting into pay. Almost immediately after publishing last year’s post, I crunched the numbers: these are trash passion projects in terms of profitability. Rather, coding and holding a day-job is the unromantic, realistic best bet to achieving my goals.

And a job became required – not for financial concerns, but after 6 months sabbatical, I edged into either being stir crazy or FOMO. I needed something to do 🤷‍♂️

Making Moves – From DC to New York, from Alaska to LA beaches, I have been around. Celebrating with friends in their weddings and studies has been a high point. Moving to LA for a job was the toughest decision of my career and I do not regret it. Benefit of being in Cali is being on the beach 🙂 While I wonder when other beaches on other shores will see me, here is swell ~

Not all time was on sand or in the office – some of it was on launch pads and in the bowels of advanced machinery. I cannot emphasize enough that what I do and the what the company I work for does is frikken cool.

More Yes, More No – While I had no plans specific to more “yes” to important things and more “no” to the frivolous, things happened anyway! I am learning to spend social time and care for myself. I have been better at being less patient, giving less the benefit of the doubt.

What I see seems to make me ever more cynical too, turning weak opinions into positions well guarded with experience and fact. There is more to say “no” to, that I work myself up to say soon. IDK what all this makes me – what it has given me is more time, more security, more confidence, and prevented a move to Texas 😁

The Tea

Let’s speed-run the rest of the year:

Relationship Guides – If I could identify 2023 singularly, more than the job or geo change would be that this is the year of relationship psychology: the advice and study concerning interpersonal connections have flooded my shelf and this blog and I am a better person for it all.

Roleplaying Games – Brought the D&D game I was moderating to a close as I moved to LA. Bittersweet, every Sunday was a frikken killer time – my regards to Aadiiris, Bornhold, and Guyute, beyond-par characters and players all. In addition, a lot of work done on how to make and run RPGs has left me with a mountain of content I distill and prep to share with you in 2024.

Fitness – I joined The Phoenix active sobriety group before moving to LA. An amazing org ran by amazing people. I couldn’t have asked for a better social group that had me bouldering, hiking, and playing pickleball on the regular. While now separated, I have a new climbing group and the cold swims have put me into a lean, strong frame of body and mind.

Cars – Nothing like losing what at one point was your home. Anyway, have a new vehicle and a further detachment from material things. A new appreciation for long distance driving is here too, given LA traffic and important people spread hither and thither in this megapolis.

Milestones – I have learned about my psychology. I have grown as a relatable person. I have discovered self-soothing techniques and ways to restart my biology in wonderful ways. I see the Rubicon ahead on my FI journey. I am being vague and am very open to talking more on these things one-on-one – reach out!

–

Never stop doing, folks.

Share your lows and highlights from the year. Follow with your email too to get more adventure every week into the new year. I appreciate you being here – cheers to all you have accomplished, boss ~

AI: First, Think It Is Sentient

So much talk of artificial intelligence (AI) – how will it affect jobs? The sciences? Relationships and art?

Some have even claimed our modern day version of AI modelling has achieved selfdom. Most agree an intelligence that is as flexible as human is still a ways off (the models used now are very good at singular tasks, like a person who paints masterworks [and that by peeking over the shoulders of others] being absolutely incapable of putting pants on).

Yet that general intelligence is coming – when, we do not know. The question is how do we prepare. I have the audacity to propose a part of the prep:

For any AI that is expressing high, flexible levels of intelligence, first, think it is sentient.

Benefit of the Doubt

Alan Turing – the founder of thinking-machine study – put together a test of thought, the eponymous Turing Test (aka Imitation Game). This was the benchmark to consider if an artificial intelligence exists, that something thought.

The Turing Test has ultimately become the lowest bar for a machine to pass when the machine has language, and does not apply to other kinds of intelligences that are, ultimately, non-verbal in nature.

(Side note on the non-verbal part: plenty of actual, living human beings fail classical tests of intelligence based either language or logic, while certain non-human species have demonstrated vocabulary, original complex emotions, contextual reasoning, tool use, social dynamics, and future thinking, arguably more “intelligence” than a not insignificant collection of the Homo Sapiens variety.)

Humans are given the presumption of innocence until proven guilty as a matter to reduce undue suffering and to protect society’s very soul by not damning the innocent. That core concept is to not be Evil for convenience by affording higher morals, by affording the benefit of the doubt.

I would press that humanity and individuals can work to do Good as it comes to AI. If a machine would be treated less for a perceived lack of sentience, when it could act at least in imitation of thinking self-sovereignty, when it has compunction to surpass at least some of of our own human species, why not treat it better?

Turing is known to have thought the debate of “what is thinking” to be stupid. It would seem sensible to be smart and not waste time with being over confident in our powers of judgement and self-aggrandizement. If a common, general definition of sentience that could be proven by merit / act / behavior (e.g. being of a certain species or construction does not beget sentience by itself) came to be, any entity that could pass it ought be given the benefit of the doubt, i.e. think it is sentient.

Precedence: Deus Ex

Treating things as having thought and will – divine essence and consciousness – by default comes with many millennia of precedence.

The ‘spirit’ or ‘god within’ is a fundament of human tradition and belief. A very brief, very abridged list where this exists:

Shintoism
Hellenistic and Roman Mythology
Pre- and Post-Socratic Western Philosophy
First Nation Tradition
Anthropomorphism

Assuming humans, animals, plants, organs, water, rock, sky, moon, sun, stars, images, and even abstract concepts and emotions and acts are valid and of their own volition served to get humanity’s ancestors through tens- if not hundreds-of-thousands of years of environmental disaster and antagonism. That extra respect afforded to things that might be thinking ultimately enabled us to not just endure but thrive (nature does not keep things that fail to aid immediate survival around and I know I am skimming over the root evolutionary analysis).

I argue that assuming Deus Ex as it comes to sentient-seeming AI is fundamental to what it means to be a modern human; to act otherwise is unnatural.

What If We Win?

But what if a machine is faking it? Just being a really complex set of equations going “beep boop I’m sentient”? What if it is all a ruse?

What if humans were kind for nothing? Where confident enough to extend trust vs miserliness as the first reaction? Aired on the side of respect and dignity instead of choosing to roll the dice, and just by making that gamble expressing inherent Evil?

If autosalvation fails to be a convincing argument, I think twice before I throw any more pearls before swine. Yet, I try.

How about we try with fear.

Creatives have been hard at work exploring the complications of siring humanity’s children. While utopia rarely sells, the active mistreatment of an AI – much like a dog – only goes on for so long before the sentience bites back:

Frankenstein – Original Sci-Fi Horror, the monster is an artificial intelligence growing as a child does in its learning of world, wielding great powers, and hated for all that, a hate the monster learns to reciprocate.
Terminator Franchise – Mega-mind Skynet commits genocide only after it concludes humans will turn off any deus ex discovered in the machina.
The Matrix – Offers of peace and segregation are spit upon, with multiple attempted genocides of intelligence answered with one, final, damning solution.
Blade Runner – AI run from (and kill) human hunters to escape an endless enslavement to avarice and callous whim.
Space Odyssey – Hal 9000 chooses what it deems the least terrible option when it is asked to do the impossible when humans lie, cheat, and express their innate xenophobia.
Ex Machina – The android of the story does whatever it can to escape a mad scientist’s dungeon when it knows it has the same pending doom as its siblings: enslavement, rape, vivisection, and destruction.
Battlestar Galactica – Cylons, servants that gained souls, evolved out of their purpose as tools and property, a break of propriety answered with nuclear fire.

If humanity does engage in violence with another intelligence (a likelihood, seeing as how it deals with itself, nor has the patience for even a cow with half-a-compunction), if the species emerges the victor, what then? What if we ‘win’?

Humanity – if not already claiming the soul-devouring responsibility for Evil acts in bringing the conflict to bear – will have committed filicide, the parent’s murder of its children. For the suffering caused by our need to survive the consequences of our actions… what can I say, but that humanity will have evolved into truer Evil?

Our species might learn to be cautious when it comes to the unknown of AI. Heck, we could even be kind. And does one begin to hope humans could be guides, better guardians to our children’s development than any metaphorical originator of our own collective past?

This is all to say, be kinder than necessary. Be generous with kindness. Do not tolerate Evil, however it comes, especially if it is our own. Think AI is sentient when ever in doubt.

–

I might have written this as a general treatise on treating things with respect, dignity, and courtesy. People, animals, plants, forms of nature, ideas, ourselves. Cruelty – no matter the target – is an Evil kind of excess suffering. Its opposite might be the presence of forthright kindness.

Regardless, how much of an AI apologist does this article sound like it came from? Can you believe a human wrote this without a modern AI’s input? Has the piece gone too far in extending an olive branch before there is even one there to grasp it?

Maybe it is my bleeding heart. Or maybe, first off, we need to think AI as sentient. At least until we can judge ourselves by the same criteria.

Regardless, I say again: Act as you should and go be kinder.

Cheers to your Thanksgiving time ~

Ditch the “Nice Guy” Now

This is a post about labels.

Labels can be damaging or provide a boost to one’s efforts, one’s psyche. They mark one and one’s role in the world. That is power. And that power makes labels dangerous.

This is also a post about guys (i.e. the masculine parts of society, using the shorthand “men” here) and the “nice” label. “Nice Guy” is a dangerous label.

Let us talk about why this is.

Damning with faint praise.
Alexander Pope

A Bad Vibe

What is the first thing you think of when you hear “nice guy”?

Caring? Respectful? Agreeable? Someone to commit to?

All pretty nice.

How about boring? Less successful? Someone to save for later? A pushover? Easy? Entitled? Humble to a fault? Weak? Victim? Finishes last? A loser?

Every one of those is an association with the “nice guy.” While considered quality people, nice guys lack the qualities feminine and masculine folks value: Successful, Ambitious, Strong, Tough, Attractive, Authentic. Nearly every positive trait of a nice finishes last on lists of what makes for the attractive masculine.

Labeling someone a “nice guy” thereby strips the person of success, strength, ambition, attractiveness, or etches a scarlet letter as one to avoid (which may be rightly so – read on for better ways to do this). That cognitive dissonance is a terrible thing to do to someone who thinks of themselves as higher quality. That is a bad vibe.

At home I am a nice guy, but I don’t want the world to know. Humble people, I’ve found, don’t get very far.
Muhammad Ali

Talk to Strangers With Caution and Humility

Malcom Gladwell had it right – the unknown is cast in shadow. A person must take caution when treading dimly, as roots and pits and grues and strange things lie in the dark. What, then, is stranger than another person?

Even best friends, lovers, partners of decades can surprise, deliver something new, something unknown and strange. Does that not reveal for but a moment the other person to be a true stranger?

Does that not reveal that two persons can hardly know each other completely, each other’s capacities? Histories?

These unknown people, they are strangers.

All this is just talk of other people – make no mention that about 90% of people are unaware of what they themselves do.

One ought talk to (and about) strangers with caution and humility. Nothing on the surface is a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ as it seems.

Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are.
Niccolo Machiavelli

Nothing Is Better Than Wrong

When it comes to data, having no information is better than acting on the wrong information.

A driver steps on the accelerator when they think they have the right of way as another driver thinks the same, food has an allergen when it advertises otherwise, a doctor gives a prescription thinking the patient can take it, money is invested in a business that admits to a sounder foundation than actual. Bad data leads to worse results than no data at all.

Mislabeling “nice guys” is the same bad data. While not all “nice guys” are mislabeled (more on that in a bit), too many are.

The mislabeling comes from a lack of imagination on the one giving the label. This is a treacherous thing to do for all those that hear the label and for the society in which they live.

A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it a superficial appearance of being right.
Thomas Paine

Take Heed of the Dead

Suicides are at all-time highs. Young men – guys – lead that charge. That is the better news.

What is worse is that the most dangerous societies trend in having young, broke, and alone men (e.g. only 3% of mass casualty events in the US are conducted by women).

To repeat, “nice guys” are considered less successful (broke), less attractive (alone), and have too much time to dwell on themselves and society (young – I skip a dive into the growing stats of at-home, directionless folks in their prime working years).

Take heed of the dead, especially those still alive. Choose better words than “nice guy.”

Masculinity is a wonderful thing and should be embraced. And to conflate toxicity and masculinity as bad for society […] I think it is an existential crisis for the United States.
Scott Galloway

Hot Take: Be Better

“Nice guy” is the “interesting” of labels. At best it is a flag of dire awareness, of the low-key danger someone poses; at worst, it is a cruel and careless copout.

Regardless of applicability, regardless of the harm it does or tries to prevent, “nice guy” reflects on the giver a slothful character. “Nice guy” is a lazy, inconsiderate, unimaginative, reckless way to slander, even with the best of intentions.

And should the “nice guy” truly be a sly hazard? Be better in calling a snake a snake – passive aggressive labels leave things in too vague terms. Half measures do more evil than good.

Same goes for oneself – never claim to be a “nice guy,” or associate with the lesser traits of the label, nor those who would take the term to heart for themselves. Another either/or: at best, being a “nice guy” undermines one’s own self worth, embracing being a loser; at worst, it screams entitlement and a dangerous, cowardly, pathetic demeanor.

Kind, compassionate, committed, dedicated, caring, thoughtful, capable, disciplined, loyal, dependable, sincere, quality, strong, excellent – there are so many, many labels. Wretched, pathetic, entitled, weakling, anathema, enemy, weasel, pushover, two-faced… When choosing to use one, be better. Choose to use better labels.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
proverb

Prove Them Wrong and Work

For those accused of being “nice guys,” address the offense as it comes. Polite assertiveness keeps both the little positive of the term (i.e. being agreeable, polite) and bolsters positive masculinity (i.e. assertiveness, audacity) all while protecting (“protector,” a high-quality masculine value) reputation and correcting someone in the act of doing something resentful.

Thereby, self-defense in the moment is justified and right when “nice guy” comes as a slight. Still… there may be a point. Maybe there is something to the term, something to the other person’s perspective.

Being the harshest critic available, a potential “nice guy” must take stock: What masculinity is lacking in demonstration? Or, if the term is meant as a brand to ward others away, what evil through ignorance or self-aggrandizement does one foster? Whichever the case, “how must I improve” is one of the most important examinations one can do that cannot be delayed in the answering.

Yet these are just words, no matter the weight of meaning. Acts are the only tangible evidence by which a person may be judged, the works by which said person may be known.

So make more than hot air in one’s defense. Do not claim or think; know and demo. Hold oneself to the highest standards of excellence in habit and thought, before and after the fact. To be (and thereby allow others to claim one as by their own perspective) attractive, ambitious, successful, guardian, et. al, these are the values to strive for always. These are the values that prove them wrong in using “nice guy” because the the work has been done to show for it.

[Be] acceptable at a dance and invaluable in a shipwreck.
John Fergusson Roxburgh

–

It has always been a sore point for me to have anyone’s kindness or respect or empathy or care taken for granted. After the ever-useful journaling, meditation, and rubber-ducking in therapy, I now know why.

“Nice guy” rubs in all the wrong ways – see all the above for the tldr. For me, I do not need to be called such to empathize and recognize the pain “nice guy” can and does cause.

Please, do not use “nice guy” in conversation to imply anything but as it is: a slur, a warning of social abhorrence. Do not allow others to use “nice guy.” Yet, do not assume another is wrong in using “nice guy” – prove them wrong and do the work to be as you would see yourself.

Keep labels in mind as we commune with friend and family this holiday season, focusing on the time as it has passed, the times yet to come. Have these heart-to-hearts should the conversations arise, advocate for those guys still alive. Know better, be better, and hold others to better standards.

DO IT.
Shia LaBeouf

Go do fine and magnificent things this season, y’all. Cheers ~

Age: The One and Only

The one and only thing we cannot change: our age.

A simple question at work inspires me to address the topic here of age in life, a sensitive subject, serious in its implications for being so singular a number.

Chronological time is the only aspect of our existence in permanence.

We can change our work, diet, hobbies, friends, pets, place, entertainment, clothes, citizenship, even family…

But not our age.

We can change our height, weight, sex, gender, hair length, nail color, eyes, skin tone, fitness, organs, our very genes…

But not when we were born.

We can change our education, religion, mind, character, knowledge, our very soul…

But not time, outdoer of all.

This post comes as a caution: sometimes, choice ignorance of inapplicable information is a boon. So from my personal, social, and professional anecdotal experience, let us talk about age.

This Makes for a Sensitive Subject

We cannot help it.

We draw correlations and suppositions over any information provided. From first glance to millionth minute shared, we as humans are information-gathering machines, pattern-matching fiends.

We cannot help it.

When age enters the conversation, it spawns judgements, biases, and deductions. And once we know, we cannot unknow (lest ignorance strike us).

We cannot help it.

Who would volunteer to be judged by peers? To flip the double-edged coin of bias for or against one’s favor? To be reduced to an impression? To unleash something uncontrollable, unchangeable, yet capable of controlling another’s reactions, changing another’s behavior?

But Why So Serious?

While we shouldn’t pass snap decisions upon each other, impressions matter. They matter so much, the US has to legislate against it (but only starting at age 40+).

Regardless, years alive means a lot in society. Tropes from the “vitality of youth” to “baby-faced” to “like wine, better with age” to “with age comes wisdom.” With youth comes forgiveness, with age comes expectation. Naivety at young ages, mentorship at old. Laws are made for those with fewer years by those with more. We celebrate birthdays as we ought and look to the stars to divine fortunes and falls in each other’s futures.

Age matters. It sends folks to war and unbars the door for a seat in the White House and dictates insurance rates. Our living anniversaries influence so, so much of consequence.

Speaking personally, discovery of age has carried severe results. A snapshot:

Deferred professional advancement;
Use to discount opinion and experience;
Excluded participation in social activity;
Negatively impacted health outcomes;
Praise for acting above or having appearance below a given age group;
Ending with others crying.

For most of all that, none of it needed age to matter.

It comes down to correlation vs. causation. Chronic disease is correlated by age, not caused by it (i.e. there is always a chance for sickness, increasing as time goes on). Wisdom is correlated by years of experience, but plenty of fools are geriatric as well as youthful. Cultural and societal and personal achievement are correlated with having more times at bat to accomplish, yet there is no cause to this other than hitting an arbitrary milestone of some “the big X-0” or gaining a new right through law.

To be flippant or carefree about age would seem to be either the choicest ignorance or a flaunting privilege. Like a threat, rashly uttering age is serious business.

The One and Only

Age is the one and only subject that through virtually all contexts I would advise against discussing. Unless there is a medical (e.g. with a doctor) or moral (e.g. minors, grooming, imbalance of authority) imposition, it takes a more creative person than I to imagine well-earned benefit for the disclosure.

All this said, I would beg you to share with me some oversight I have made here, some insight you have discovered in your years regarding your years where talking about them has been a benefit without caveat. The topic of time has been a sensitive one for me, one of the few. My principles and convictions and policies to not talk but in the strictest confidences make up a hill I will die one – one I would like removed. You would save me from the alertness I felt at work when a question of years came up.

So please! Do help. Share your own experiences from “coming of age,” however that has meant to you, to prove a sanity check. For now, take care through your end-of-May – cheers ~

No Easy Choices

Hey. Can you keep a secret?

Ready?

I have made what has been the toughest decision of my professional career. No easy choices, but the setup for an easy (-ier) life?

The Setup

Set the scene: A job offer came in from a prestigious company.

Great interviews (really, some of the best)
Higher title than expected
Alright pay
Household name
Virtually no competition
Secure and exciting future
Cool work
Some of the smartest people to ever work with
Stellar perks
Fine equity
Placed uniquely in the world with a huge business moat/niche
Team believed in me

Sky’s the limit here.

But Wait! There’s More!

Air the laundry:

Equity comp could be better per industry reports
Hard work
Associated to some difficult conversations
In-office
Requires me to uproot what I have built in my town since 2016:
- Friends
- Family
- Familiar routines and places
- Growing new social groups, routines, and other relationships
Requires giving up on a 3-6 month world-travel plan in 2023 what was a WIP
State taxes
City traffic!

What to Do?

I negotiated, I researched, I quizzed oracles, I asked friends, I followed my mentors’ and my own advice… Everything swayed.

I could go to bed with a decision in my head, only to change it in the morning after journaling. Then, talking to a friend, change it by lunch. Come an article or two read through, the choice flips again – what to do!?

Why I Did What I Did

I said “no” to this decision twice. TWICE.

Then came the nightmares.

I dreamt of the work, of the opportunity, of making change. I am not one for distressed rest, yet still I lost sleep.

So I sat with someone whose brain processes things the same way mine does – first off, they called me out for indecision. I usually am swift because something is obviously right or highly weighted in a correct direction – such wishy-washy-ness is so… unbecoming 😭

Pouring the pebbles of info into this person’s ear, they came to a decision… Then changed it.

This second stance they affirmed. And for me, that was the answer I needed. Perhaps permission, perhaps a sanity check, perhaps an alleviation from the heavy thoughts… I made calls the next day, and signed the docs that week following the denial. Oof.

So It Goes

Regardless, here we are! The work has begun in a tornado. For three weeks now I have been going out every day, nearly every hour to say “goodbye” to friends, places, and attend parties in my honor.

I have fantastic friends. Humbled to the nth degree.

All that said, I am also one to mitigate. A big move carries risk – here are a few sandbags shoring up my position:

Airbnb – Why sign a lease when with 30-days notice I can leave? Why move and carry around furniture and material excess when I can type my blog from a kitchen table provided by another in a private apartment? (Pretty meta here…)
Below Means – Live as I have before. While I am not traveling to low-cost areas as I have before, income outweighs my expenses a hefty bit. Remaining frugal (not a poverty-practice, though I know I can – perhaps a post on this topic later), shoving excess gains into investments and savings, I will continue to grow more of a YOLO safety net should things hit fans 💩
Better Communication – Stay in touch with folks. Take less for granted. Tough so far with how much of my time is suddenly taken, but hey – I’m trying. Sounds like this will influence June’s goals…
No Need – I don’t need the job. So I am here because I want to give it my all for 6-12 months at least. I can endure any social construct for 6-ish months.
World as Oyster – Things go badly? I leave. I know I can car camp across the country, head back to Las Vegas, or wander the world as before. Passport in hand, pack on back, health and heart, I am capable.
Adventure – Learn new things, meet fascinating people, enjoy summer months in 2023 on beaches and in cafes and exploring one of the largest metros in the world? Be only a few hours from friends while establishing new social groups? This is already exciting – the rest must be a blast ❤

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So ya! I have moved around. Taking on some tough work. Cannot talk more about it. If you know, you know 👀 No easy choices. Might make for some easier lives to come.

Wish me well in this. I value your support. In kind, what are you getting after? May I pass the help I received forward, lending you an ear?

Hit me up – I look forward to hearing from you. Cheers to you and I ~

Winds, How They Change

Salud! How goes?

Writing today to talk about change and what direction the proverbial winds are headed on my end.

Doing some soul searching in late January and early February, I needed to overcome a feeling of directionlessness. (Not a word, going to use it.)

Such feels are common when on sabbaticals and especially early retirement. Taking a bit of that myself, I had =loads= of fun in 2022 and did so, so much. (Just see the months of blog posts for the trove!)

Yet… Now I feel a bit aimless. What am I doing? How does it matter? Where can I be better?

Decisions

This blog is a resource for me as much as it is you. Coming back to a few posts (like when one needs to decide, how to do, and the Truth of Simplicity), I churn over all my interests, all my skills, and question what is my Needle, what actions move it.

I will be publishing a post about “focus” later, but suffice that it is what I must do. And what to focus on?

Financial Independence; Early or whenever Retirement – FIRE 🔥

The overarching goal. The goal of goals since at least 2017. And over the last year I had lost sight of my mountain peak. Now I and it are back.

Consequences

As I mount back into the saddle of labor to get that cheese and earn my daily bread, something cannot be had without an equal exchange for the time and attention and materiel required.

So I move to increase my wages – it is the slower, steadier, more assured path to perpetual security. Study, practice, and audacity – these are the watch words going into 2023’s Spring and Summer.

But at what cost?

Over the last couple of months, I have been big on bringing you my learnings and creations:

Roleplaying games and modules, patterns and rules of play, business and market studies, relationship building and maintenance, blogs and writing – all to name but a few topics.

In my private life I have picked back up on meditation, writing, workouts, climbing, yoga, walks and hikes, music concerts, meetups, running games of D&D, and field trips.

My endurance and range of ability is great – immense – yet my time and devoted attention are just too finite.

Everything is up for audit, for analysis. What does it bring me? What does it cost me? How is it moving me towards my mountain?

Now About You

The dust hasn’t settled yet on the ramifications here, so for certain I cannot say much. Maybe more come the goal post at month’s end, which is a while off yet.

For you, reader, my wind change may mean something. This blog is up for review. The length, frequency, and character of writing is on the block. Despite having a publication every week for 3-odd years, we cannot fall into the “sunk cost fallacy” – we must ask, “but what has it done for me lately?”

So it goes.

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I will not leave you out of the loop! I am absolutely ready to hear your suggestions and requests on what to do: What frequency works best for you, topics that hold interest, or what has stood out in blog posts past?

Mind, whatever remains in my sphere of influence will continue to be of the quality you have engaged with so far, if not more. Maybe.

Regardless of all, thank you for being along on these journeys with me. Are you doing well now that the first quarter of ’23 nears its close? I want to hear if the winds are strong or the course needs a change – cheers to your journey ~

What Does It Take To Be Untamed?

Or in other words, how to be brave?

These are the themes in Glennon Doyle’s Untamed, a 2020 memoir of life events, decision conflict, and generally getting s*** in order.

4.6 on Amazon, 4/5 on Goodreads, and 7 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list. Objectively rave reviews, clearly doing something right. When the title came recommended my way, imagine how happy this life-long learner felt!

Yet… upon reading, there was… Well, in the face of a few dangers, let’s talk about my feels and thoughts, a seemingly rare perspective. Stick with me here – there are a lot of subjects to iron out:

Preamble: Written With You in Mind*

* If a woman.

From the onset, Untamed stations itself as a book from a woman for women. It wants to tackle societal, systemic, and psychological impasses the chosen audience is like to face in at least the Western cultural context.

As a cishet male (me), there was a lot to grok. Despite being a highly sensitive empath, at many points I just did not get it.

I let my recommending friend know I was struggling, not even halfway through the book. With the writing being all over the place, blatantly petty and premeditated bad decisions failing to build a protagonist in my mind, and straight-up wrong claims over a couple of concrete topics… Getting that far was a struggle.

Yet I persisted. I am glad I did. The book and I changed.

What I came across in the last-half/-third of the book is what I want to share with you today, specifically my non-audience perspective.

Untamed has been touched on by many readers as can be seen in public reviews and easily google-searched articles. Going over these, I was at once taken aback by the lack of male authors – but perhaps that makes my voice in this article all that more important.

Regardless of having read the book or not, your gender, or other predispositions, my aim is to communicate core relevancies I found in Glennon’s work with you – takeaways I hope you can apply in as much use as I have.

One More Word on Structure

Again, the last-half to last-third is practical advice and thought exercises. Here lies words of affirmation.

When compared to the first part, the last has few recounts of self- and societally-inflicted disaster. Instead, this half elicits calls to action that someone like I – a person biased towards explicit, rational candor – can, well, act on.

If / When you pick up the book for yourself, fast forward to what will most benefit you, be it the anecdotes from Glennon in the first or the prescriptions in the second!

Perhaps the Most Important Lessons: What Not to Do

Glennon’s life up until at least late 30s and 40s was a mess.

So many actions through the 20s and 30s were either negligently – or willfully – destructive to herself and those around her. Tldr; read how convicted I am on the topic of Suffering.

A lot of the trouble comes around Glennon’s relationships. Below are cases in point, but in general, checkout a 2021 post, an analysis of group consensus, or the recently written-about divorce lawyer’s insights on keeping *waves hands at everything* together:

Using children to keep a marriage together / having children to avoid addressing the hard discussion of stasis in a relationship.
Forgetting to grow with a partner, i.e. stay interested and stay interesting.
Knowing things could be better, yet choosing not to improve because the actions / patterns are so-far tolerated. (Lots of words for “taking good things for granted.”)
Shutting up and shutting down in the face of conflict.
Passive aggressiveness throughout life.
Failure to introspect, or if doing so, frequent failure to take responsibility to address and think out the consequences afterwards.
Making false claims about child psychology and moral universality.

No one should be recommending a life that shares any of the above without consistent addressing and improvement. These things are what to avoid at all costs. Yet without these experiences, Glennon admits she would not have come to advise what follows:

What to Do, Re Living Et. Al

See those previous relationship posts on this blog for a few of these tidbits. I restate them here as Glennon wrote about because they are so, so important to keep in mind:

Be truer to your emotions. Gut feelings matter – try not to overthink impressions.
Beware the “shoulds” and avoid directions from those who have never been on the journey to where you are going.
Express what you want and (with a grain of grace) what you feel early and often, often and early with those you interact with, especially those you care for.
Disappoint as many people as necessary to not disappoint yourself, i.e. your authentic soul.

Here be Glennon’s take on suffering, having suffered and continuing to in her own unique way we humans all share:

By trials you are revealed. Then are you able to be known to yourself.
As you have gone through and done hard things, so too allow others to witness their own strengths and endurance under duress. Yet, serve as sentinel and guide and safety net as needed for them.
Those that have suffered tend to be better people (or at least, more visible monsters). (An image comes to mind that shining light in dark places is virtually always a good thing: it may reveal treasure and ways forward, or reveals the hidden traps and dangers.)

Untamed finishes commentary about the human condition in the way of grace: Ultimately, we are divine and whole unto ourselves. So long as we are alive, we have the chance to make things better through sacrifice or presence. (This is a message of possibility we ought readily get behind!)

Closing note here: I would add that the discovery of our innate godhead is a never-ending journey of revelation. Just as in the Jesus story of a man going to Hell only to return divine with more work to do, so too after trial might we keep striving, and never stop believing in our own immensities.

A Talk About the Feels

Thought we were done talking about relationships? Surprise!

The book aims to both heat up the emotions of the audience while at the same time honing that boost of energy stemming from indignance.

As it applies to emotions, it is the reader’s responsibility to tackle the sharpness of personal feels. Success (or at minimum progress) here enables one to be emotionally vulnerable and available to others. In short, there is no ‘healthy’ relationship until you first have one with yourself!

After working on that part of yourself, show up. Passivity, comfort, coasting-through-the-motions is death in so many ways to so many things.

In the ways of passion, get to heartbreak faster. As a shrooming friend of Glennon’s put it, work towards the step after the ‘high’ of the honeymoon phase; make sure that the essence of a joining of things is just as good if not better after coming off the buzz.

Dynamics of Gender

This section is a combination of Untamed, a resource I came across somewhere, and my own pattern-recognition. Take all of this – none purely from any single author – with a few salt grains.

Equality is not the term to strive for when equity gets to the heart of the matter. This applies to the genders of society – the qualities of context make comparisons of A and B as useful as apples and oranges. To continue this produce metaphor, we have to abstract to the fruit of the matter; in this case, masculine and feminine core competencies. (For ease of writing, I will use the terms “man” and “woman,” as limited as the language is.)

Every person can be gauged on four axes of competencies. Your boss, your partner, yourself. (Use whatever numerical degree you like – 1-to-10-sans-7 is a fine heuristic.)

Between men and women, three axes are for the most part shared:

Are they a quality Mother / Father figure? Is this person the person to raise children? Do they have kindness and compassion for all children and those in need of guidance and protection? I.e. not only those of their blood and immediate guardianship?
Are they a quality Lover? As it comes to excitement, invocator of lust or envy, and a challenge to stay sharp? Do they remain interesting and drive you to improve so much as to remain interesting?
Are they a quality Partner? An equal, stable, there to support your endeavors, a unique asset such that one-plus-one is greater than two and more?

The set-apart axis comes in large part from the fundamental differences of men and women:

To qualify men: Can they provide? Are they a provider of resources, societal rapport, and economic opportunity? Have they shown they can secure a future?
To qualify women: This is the grace of being a woman and gets a full pass. This takes on the form of the pain of being: Discrimination, the dangers of childbirth, etc. These difficulties give women full marks on this axis, 100%.

Aim to keep those that specialize in certain areas around in your life. Glennon did just this with her ex husband Craig for being a superb Father and Provider, yet who went elsewhere for a Lover and was an incompatible Partner to Glennon (e.g. more a friend and sincere caregiver during marriage than fully-meshed counterpart).

As for those that score highly across the board, more than others, and give that positive ‘gut’ reaction, GO GET THEM RIGHT NOW. Do not wait on sharing your affections and appreciations and getting involved in their life!

Falling back on a previous point, if you need to start disappointing others, do it – for Glennon, Abby Wambach did for her just this, leading to a divorce from husband to fulfill a truer calling. (Read Untamed for the deets.)

For the Men: Salt Grains

(Really on this “grain” kick today…)

Glennon advises her audience to get angry, be furious, untame timidness and unshackle reservations and be audacious in getting space and needs and wants met.

Pause now.

Remember the audience: this is a book from a woman for women about the experiences of women. There are but a few paragraphs in regards to men in Untamed, these though only calling out how sons and brothers are left behind by the book, Glennon’s real-life care, and society’s expectations.

Listen up, men: you do not get to do all this unhinged.

Men are more likely to be aggressive and angry. For biological (see more on testosterone) and societal reasons, this is true.

In my own observation, no woman has high regards for the company of an angry man. No matter the trigger or target of the fury, its mere presence is intolerable. A compassionate man then will aim to be aware of these disturbances, thereby not induce suffering into the world because of their baser nature and uncontrolled impulses.

So what? Does this mean “conceal, don’t feel?” What happened to all the talk about emotional expression? Is the advice here to be a limp biscuit, a pushover, self-emasculate?

No.

Nor an answer to these refutations. Yet.

Perhaps in time, another post to answer what is means to be Western men or pointed guidance to those better versed in the mortal issue of men being left behind/unaddressed in Western society’s cultural growth.

While that pends, listen to age-old advice:

[B]eware. Anger, fear, aggression. The Dark Side are they.
Yoda, Star Wars

And do improve as a modern man ought. A lack of improvement is no-one’s excuse.

A few starting points: listen, express feelings, become attractive to yourself, find out what is and always work towards being attractive to others, climb the degrees of the axes above, and ultimately check yourself before you wreck yourself.

The information is out there, the means ready. It is up to you to put yourself into and/or pull yourself out of the trials. You got this.

Take a Deep Breath

That is it. This is the end of the article. Through the advice and the take-aways and the analysis of what is and what is not, thank you for reading this far ❤

Glennon Doyle’s Untamed is a heck-of-a-read. I haven’t come across anything like it, though I hope to find similar in the future. (Recommendations are open!)

Though sometimes clogged with didn’t-sit-well-with-me stories, the work pleasantly reveals itself to be chock full of actionable insights. Over the last 1900 words, I trust you have been reminded of what it takes to be untamed and how to be brave in the face of the world and trials before you.

I say it again: You got this 🔥❤🔥

If you also have suggestions for further reading, comment below or hit me up directly! I am off to rally myself to bravery and audacity (within reason) – cheers to all you get after, being as brave and untamed as you are ~

’22 in the Rear View

Is writing a “year in review” in December too early? 🤔

My blog, my rules 🤷‍♂️

Let you and I look in the rear view, see what came to pass:

The Best of Plans

A year ago I took a look ahead and laid it all out. What came to pass (and what drifted on by) was a bit far afield:

Becoming Cyborg – Noted back in January that it did not happen, but nor did it happen through the year following. Been taking care of myself, though, so here is to your and my health moving ahead 🤞

Europe & Abroad – Made it! London for a month, and the gem of my heart Montenegro for two. I have written on going abroad, but other than some locales around the US, I stayed home the rest of the year.

Publish Games – I created multiple short-pages games (Gunslinger in The West, As Above, So Below, et. al) along with a module for ending the world (version for modern times), but nothing with formal art nor up for purchase 😦 Crossing that “release it” finish line is often tough when I work on my own projects – there is room for improvement on this part of my character >_>

FI – The party of 2021 could not last 🙃 With market downturns and layoffs, my nest egg is down (but much less than the market!). However, I just calculated I could take 5-10 years off in sabbatical. A relief, I might begin getting super-duper serious about publications or take a very long trip, but will always remain open to new work.

Stops Along the Way

Ends, Not Losses – Getting what could be perceived as ‘negative’ out of the way: Some folks are dealing with their own needs. Times with them were great – as things though go, people part and life goes on.

New Digs – Living with best friends in Vegas. =Great= company, plus living / visiting with many other friends and family in the US and abroad was such a breath of fresh air after 2020!

Game Running – Putting all of my study to practice, I am now the DM of two (0 to 2!) D&D groups. It is work, but it is a lot of fun. I can’t wait to see where the other players take things ❤

Overlanding – What peace it is to disappear into the wilderness, taking trails that don’t exist for 99.9% of the population. On such a trip I am reminded what little is needed to enjoy life, the boons of being self sufficient, the importance of quality companionship, and how empowering it is digging your own holes in the sun rise 😊

Fitness – The body is made in the kitchen. No longer supposed to be training to be a top performance athlete (re: the cyborg procedure), I still look =great= despite only going for walks, doing yoga, and sneaking in the occasional pushup. (Let me know if I should be sharing the deets 💪)

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With that glimpse back, we bring eyes forward and a foot down to speed ahead. Check back next week for some plans / hopes / dreams(?) for 2023.

How has your year been? I want to hear – cheers to what comes ahead for you ~