Truth: Attractiveness

Be attractive.

Truth itself is an enigma. Truth might be known through its many faces, though not all faces are equal in their value to Truth. But attractiveness? Attractiveness seems to be side-by-side with what Truth is.

Whether as a material law (magnetic/electric/gravitational), physical trait (symmetry/garb/health-signaling/etc.), or mental characteristic (charisma/stability/respect/etc.), being attractive secures the resources of survival. Attractiveness is an objective and severe determiner of the consequences a thing receives in its lifetime.

The benefits are plenty: Ability to convince a person to do another’s work; Gather mates for raising offspring or protection; Decrease the likelihood to be neglected or killed (a reason baby animals are “cute”); et al.

Being attractive gives the edge to survival – as has been proposed by others, that which is Good is that which survives.

This principle extends beyond biological evolution too. Non-organic nature seeks to persist in its states forever and ever, from thermodynamics to motion. What persists the longest are those things with strong bonds and mass; i.e., matter in the universe that is “attractive” survives.

Planets – the tiniest fraction of the mass of the stars they orbit – only exist that way if not subsumed as moons of even larger planets. Suns live only so long as there’s fuel to burn, the more fuel, the longer life a star has. Galaxies outmatch any planet or star for lifetime, attracting billions of stars, yet they cease to exist as a whole after cataclysmic interactions with something of approximately equal attractive potential (i.e. other galaxies).

Therefore, being attractive is a necessity of the universe, as plasma, rock, or mammal. Further, there are tiers of attractiveness, differentials of both magnitude of attractiveness and type.

Just discussed has been material attractiveness of the gravitational type, with examples of planets being in their own tier, suns another, and galaxies encompassing them all. The same applies to biological life.

An attractive baby is not the same type of attractiveness as that of a sexually attractive mate (ruin to any that foul-up this distinction). Two babies also cannot be deemed to be equally attractive (e.g. as soon as a child receives more ‘resource’ than another, that first child is by definition more attractive), a concept that also applies to shallow comparisons between two job candidates.

Anything that confuses the type or magnitude of attractiveness does not survive. Planets burn away in stars, social aberrant behavior is mocked and condemned, inconvenient (i.e. unattractive) infants killed once upon a time today. Diverging from attractiveness is punished, thereby adding to the net suffering in existence.

If doing what is unattractive generates suffering and ends its existence faster, the contrast that does not create suffering and survives must be called Good. Being attractive is Good.

Bringing it back, attractiveness reinforces itself as being adjacent to Truth: Attractiveness is a universal quality across matter and time, nature tends toward attractiveness, and the pursuit and state of attractiveness reduces suffering.

How to Be Attractive

First, there is great advantage for a person to be born attractive. Natural symmetry, familiarity, secondary sex characteristics, easy display of health through skin, nails, hair, and teeth, and other traits greatly increase the survivability of both the individual and their genes.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

Saint Ambrose

Regardless of birth, fit into physical and social environments. Being ‘average’ and ‘consistent’ for the surrounding context breeds familiarity which is attractive, as well as showing a healthy response to the external stimuli of a particular niche. Further, fitting in with others feeds into social affirmation, an attractive trait that signals others to act on and for one’s behalf.

Success in handling changes and challenges in the social intangibles and the physical resources for survival indicate two attractive qualities: Health in the now, and advantaged genes for later reproduction. Such accomplishment is part of seeming confident. Confidence itself is a sign of health, its natural assertiveness gaining resources for survival and protecting those resources.

There are other ways to express attractiveness; these assets are many and varied. Listening to the opinions of others and one’s self will determine what works best!

Attractiveness Elsewhere

Abraham Lincoln – “I have no other [ambition] so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.”

Sun Tzu – Appear as is best for your intentions with others. (Fake it to make it.)

Beauty – Attractive things exist so long as not too much is known about them at the time. (See: Knowledge is terrible.)

First Impressions – “If their initial impressions of the candidates are positive, employers show a higher tendency to ‘sell’ the job by providing information to the candidates about the job rather than gathering information from them.”

Live an attractive life as best you can. Cheers.

Truth: Suffering

Suffering is inevitable.

Truth can be debated endlessly. Look no further than the blind men and the elephant. Simply put, a singular Truth cannot be known 🤷‍♂️

What can be understood are the collection of truisms close to Truth. Things that are agnostic to time, space, culture, and context are more true than dichotomies or idioms. Something that, once known, is of terrible power for its ability to inflict or relieve suffering in one and another. Yet, not knowing can lead to a suffering through ignorance!

So what is truthful?

All life seems to agree on this: Suffering is the only guaranteed experience.

Before you go, hear me out. Suffering is a cornerstone of existence if not the foundation of what it means to be alive.

It all starts at where all things do: at the beginning. First there is the suffering caused to mothers during pregnancy and labor. Second, babes wail at the shockingly cold, shockingly bright loss of everything they have ever known. Communities then suffer the child’s cries and inadequacies while their parents sweat and toil to keep the new human alive – and often that is beyond their abilities!

The baby born, that child will become self conscious. With that knowledge, the young person begins to doubt their own value. Their body morphs through puberty in unknowable, painful ways. Their minds become aware of themselves and other people, namely the failures of themselves and their society. A child is considered ‘mature’ when they lose the shield that was naiveté. In a complete upending of the child’s reality, they come to understand they are betrayed by family, friends, society, and their own body.

That babe-turned-adult suffers once again as the incessant march of time grinds down thought and bones alike. If not outright crippled in mind and body, the ‘edge’ of peak performance experienced in late adolescence is dulled. A second revelation comes where the elder recognizes how much of their short life has been spent with little return. Existential nihilism or a living lie of denial sets in, killing the elder long before they are dead and buried. This is the elder’s only inheritance left to their next of kin, who in turn do not understand the trauma they’ve received. Thus the cycle of suffering, from birth to death, continues on into the next generation.

Matter – atoms and the like – too suffers in its creation, as understood through an empathetic anthropomorphism. All particles exploded into an inferno during the universe’s birth. All suns only formed after eons of atoms floating alone before being crushed and incinerated under their own weight. The universe itself may be convulsing in a cyclic version of Western Hell and has so done since the beginning of time.

Suffering is inherent in creation. Yet does it last?

Absolutely.

We see in the life of a person or a galaxy, suffering is the ever-constant companion throughout a singular existence. From start to finish, suffering is present and repeats its pattern infinitely.

Suffering persists. But what of the Good?

While there are absolutely may be moments of pleasure in one’s life, no two persons can agree on the specifics of such pleasures, or if the pleasure itself is a Good thing! (What is Good has been mentioned before, but a further exploration is later in this post.)

What used to be the common ground of Good was religion. But which religion? Which denomination of that religion? Can a history of stoning neighbors, burning knowledge, and the excruciation of the masses, justified in the many names of God, be considered Good? (Rhetorical questions all.)

When consuming certain mushrooms across the world, shamans and laypersons alike gain the satisfaction of meeting their own God without the need of religion. Perhaps this is a contributor as to why claims to be religious are becoming a minority. Regardless, religion seems to be unable to define a Good in the universe.

Hedonism gives many moments of pleasure. Eating, drinking, sex, and drugs all stimulate dopamine and other feel-good chemicals, these chemicals the only objective cause of pleasure in a person’s body. If pure pleasure is what Good is, the only Good activity in life is the pursuit of opiates until death arrives, the dead no longer suffering.

Sensual pleasure works as well as it does because of the erasure of self it causes. There is no person, there is only bliss. Should a person retain any amount of self-conscious ego, this pleasure is often found to be meaningless. (Not to mention that the individual hardly survives for long, which is not Good.)

The idea of ‘the nation‘ aims to give meaning with shared common purpose, that which the nation claims to be Good. Further, nations promise to carry the ideas and works and wishes of the citizen into the future, a survival-by-proxy. So which nation is Good? When? For whom? What consistently has been considered Good? Perhaps during the disenfranchisement of its women? The crucifixion of its minorities? The genocide of its enemies? The enslavement of the destitute?

The nation has many ideas of what Good is. No idea remains consistent, thereby a changing definition of what is Good. In the book The Rape of Nanking, it is come to be understood that nations will justify its actions without remorse, even glee, passing this ‘goodness’ into its citizens and collective actions. It is clear ‘the nation,’ despite giving meaning and surviving, cannot be Good.

If you want a vision of the future, Winston, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.

George Orwell, 1984

In these ways, the Good is entirely subjective. What is Good for one cannot be guaranteed for another. The Confucian Golden Rule of “do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself” usurps its Western opposite of “do unto others what you would have them do to you.”

But Good may yet have something true about it. If suffering is the omnipresent woe, minimizing suffering may be a common agreed-upon Good. But remember that many things done with ‘Good’ intention (Western Golden Rule) cause suffering. Therefore, Goodness with the intent to reduce suffering seemingly is to act less on perceived suffering (the context others appear to be in) and more on actual suffering (the context a person finds themselves in, the only guarantee suffering is indeed occurring).

As Goodness with the minimal definition is an eternal endeavor since suffering persists, Good would need to accommodate failure and continue (i.e. survive). That still does not negate this narrow definition of Good as being subjective, only one in a crowd of other definitions that claim to be correct.

Simply put, a definition of Good may be “reduce net suffering to survive and survive to reduce net suffering.” This does not violate the subjectivity of Good, merely prescribes what the abstract concept is.

Good is subjective. So what is objective?

If any claim to objectivity is made, it seems to be made of suffering and surviving. A person cannot do a guaranteed Good. By the act of existing only, a person can participate in suffering.

You and I will experience suffering, will cause it. Much of it will happen and we won’t be aware of it. In our darkest times, we will seek it out.

Therein lies an objective truth: Suffering is inevitable. With that knowledge, preparing to suffer can be committed to and actions readied to reduce it. How suffering is perceived is variable, but thoughts about suffering tend to trend in two ways: Those that have the means to hypothetically bear great suffering are better; those that endure actual suffering not of their choosing are considered lesser.

Whether suffering is accepted or railed against, if a person finds that they are suffering, it may be a comfort to know suffering is natural and it too can pass. How to address suffering is another topic entirely, an important one to have when suffering is known to exist, persist, and permeate throughout the universe.

In these ways suffering conforms to a universal truth, a first-tier fact that better reveals Truth and hones other truths in their meaning and purpose.

Of pain you could wish only one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes.

George Orwell, 1984

Something I’ve pondered on and worth continuing to ponder. Cheers.

Truth: Knowledge

Knowledge is a terrible thing.

Truth is something we cannot know. However, Truth is a legion of many faces, each aspect of Truth being a testament to the universe. Through these aspects Truth may be known. Yet, the knowledge itself is a terrible thing.

Terrible, really?

Quite so. Once something is known, it cannot be unknown. The knowledge itself gains a consciousness in its perception. The knower gives the information their own life by spending time and calories thinking on the knowledge.

A terrible part of knowledge is when it allows the knower to become self-conscious. A belief held in ignorance contradictory to newfound information provides a stark contrast to what may have been a life in the ‘wrong’ or ‘false.’ Not many are ready to recognize their failings in this way, that their reality was a lie up to the knowledge gain. Thereby it is born a perfect situation to allow a knowledgeable person to suffer not only the pain of finding in themselves a false-self, but doubly the suffering of perpetuating the now insincere lie of their false belief.

But to live in the dark? To forego the possible suffering of exploring the unknown? Enjoying the bliss of ignorance makes sense if the benefit of knowledge could not outweigh its horrors.

Common nay-sayers to the progress of knowledge cite many of the troublesome topics of modern times:

Gunpowder, biological weapons, social stigmas, dogma, racism, factory farming, sweat shops, nuclear arms, weaponized pathogens, fuel waste, more addictive substances, inhumane architecture, spam email.

Yet, humans continue to push the boundaries of knowledge, to explore, to discover. Ill-content with the state of things, people have gained knowledge of, well, everything a mind can perceive and more.

Language, sparking fire, paper, printing, the raising of crops and livestock, penicillin, engines, mathematics, rocketry, clothing, environment control, the internet, vaccines, subatomic physics.

All-in-all, knowledge has proven terrible in its power for the Good reduction of suffering, and the contrary application of incredible suffering for meager gain. “Terribleness” cannot be said to be in-and-of itself a ‘bad’ thing. By any objective measure – poverty, life expectancy, opportunity, access to resource – knowledge has on the balance been a Good thing, making now the best time to be alive ever.

If the concept of knowledge were visual, knowing would be feeling around into the darkness of the world’s unknown. Some finds would be sweet and soft, treasures to make the journey worth the while; others sharp and deadly, tragedies there in the dark. Sometimes a truly terrible tool is found, a thing with the capacity for great reductions and increases in suffering, depending on its use.

Taking the ‘darkness’ example further, sharing knowledge might be visualized as a light cast on a place – a piece of knowledge. However, that light comes from one direction – the sharer of the knowledge. What may appear true and whole on one side may seem completely false on the other – a shadow cast. Therefore, partial light may play tricks and deceive for a time. Until further insights and investigations cast more light on the subject, knowledge and its sharing suffers from the parable of The Blind Men and the Elephant.

Light too, when shown to unprepared eyes, can be blinding. In this way, the illumination and knowledge can send a person reeling from the moment’s bright suffering.

So the distribution of knowledge may cause suffering, at least for a time. To pursue knowledge is one choice; to reveal information is another. Sometimes it’s best to not reveal true knowledge, as in the case of white lies, especially to the unexpecting. Sometimes knowledge will be shared with the express intent to cause suffering, e.g. black truths.

A truth that’s told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.

William Blake

Therein lies the terrible essence of knowledge. It gives and takes suffering from the world when gained by a person.

This has always been the case. Two-and-a-half millennia ago in East Asia, renown warrior-philosopher Sun Tzu based much of his The Art of War on knowing and keeping others from knowing. Niccolo Machiavelli wrote a half-millennia ago in the heart of Europe that success in life lay in knowing what to do with the power one had. Shortly after, Sir Francis Bacon put it bluntly: “knowledge itself is power.” Or as Susan Orlean puts it for today, “Knowledge is a beautiful thing, but there are a few things I wish I didn’t know.”

So pay respect to knowledge and its lack alike. Context plays a part in guessing whether knowledge gives or takes suffering away, but across time and culture, this remains true: Knowledge is a terrible tool to have and to wield.

What lights do you live your life by?

Cheers.

Truth: Simplify

Simplify.

Truth is an enigma, but there are scatterings of Truth in universal truisms. These truisms are plentiful, none are equal. The further from Truth they go, the more truisms there are, but the less true they are in turn. There, they become a ‘noise’ while fewer and truer the truths become. In that way, the closer to Truth one goes, the simpler the space is as are the truisms found.

Truth tends towards simplicity.

A diamond cannot be uncovered while there’s rough. Gold cannot be picked unless the silt is panned out. Grain does not grow if choked by weeds. A body cannot breath if drowned. About seven things is what a human mind can hold. About 150 persons is what a single individual can keep track of.

To simplify is a cornerstone of existence. We see this exampled in everything from the composition of cellular life to the decomposing of atoms into baser parts to the simplicity of the equations that describe the fundaments of reality.

It is a challenge to think of what, when added, makes things simpler. The act of taking away brings things into focus. Take myself:

I trimmed my professional "expertise" from game design, production, illustration, programming, and mathematics into tools engineering, serving me with above-par pay and sharp skills.
From aiming to please any-and-everyone, relationships of all sorts have become straightforward - my experience knows "why what works with who," making any decision involving others near immediate versus requiring deliberation over months and years.
My time, previously split between an immense variety of activities and active interests,  boils down to creation (writing, game design, sketching), being of use to others (tools engineering, exploring problems) and myself (working out, learning), and achieving a sense of order (planning, chore completion).
Even this blog used to be many goals spread over a quarter and two posts, now regulated to four goals in a single month in a single post.

Yet, simplicity’s opposite – complexity – pervades. This, too, appears to be natural. Planets gather moons to add the complexity of tides. The simplest atom hydrogen is incredible unstable, binding itself with other atoms to form more complex molecules. Organisms evolve to add necessary features, even if that’s combining symbiotically with other creatures.

Life itself could be described as a pattern within the universe that attempts to stall its own entropy. That pattern does whatever it can to survive, which through evolution, has brought forward more complex forms.

Humans too generate a ‘gravity’ to add things to their orbit of concern. Another task makes it onto the ‘to-do’ list. Another acquaintance boosts the follower count. Another car needs payment. Another interest of the moment divides attention. Another another another.

Though how often has “another” brought suffering to life? The pain of indecision contrasts with the toil for more, a common masochism a sleepless person who takes on another responsibility shares with the pet that gorges itself into ache and vomiting.

We cannot help adding complexity to our lives. But as another card is added to the house or another plate is brought to spin, our lives become more perilous.

Our wants are simple: Comfortable environment, quality sleep, satiation in emotion and nourishment, a feeling of worth, and energy to pursue the things we intend and find interesting and survive without cars from what we don’t. Our ways and whys are many more than these.

This complexity resembles what it is: a construction. How well it is built is directly linked to the foundation of planning and intention that goes into our lives.

Complexity can serve a purpose. As mentioned, life will become more complex to survive, with a caveat: The nature of the universe abhors doing anything that is not needed at the precise place and time. When complexity arises, it must be judged, especially in ourselves, since humans are awfully good at justifying what exists, regardless of correctness.

Is this object or situation or action as simple as it can be? Does it serve a necessary outcome here and now? How can it do the easiest thing possible?

A medicine is highly complex but any more or less than necessary ruins its purpose. A wall with its many parts crumbles with any more or less than the required stones. A body – a miracle of moving parts – with any more or less than a very small range of temperature, water, or calories destroys itself.

It’s simple: The farther from the simple a thing strays, the more the thing destroys what it is. Such change is a guarantee. Whether the consequence of the change is intended is up to how simple the origin remains.

Managing change is incredibly useful. For a person, if a situation is unacceptable, that person can add to their life in some ways, subtract in others. Once a person finds a place where they are contented, no more gets added, no more gets removed. They have simplified to a level of stable complexity so they may begin to survive. And to survive, to live, that is a Good thing to do.

In that way, to simplify conforms to a universal truth, reduces suffering, better reveals Truth in its many effects, and is one of the few truths that best represents the Truth.

Simplicity Elsewhere

Occam’s Razor – No more, no less. That which is less indivisible is preferred.

Newton’s Rule 1 – It is vain and unnatural to do more than what’s required.

Tao’s Greatest Treasures – “Simple in actions and in thoughts, you return to the source of being.”

GI Bill of Rights – Four pages with simple language lasts 77 years and still serves tens-of-millions.

Abrahamic Religions – There is only one cause to the universe and it requires respect for being unknowable.

Theory of Evolution – That which exists came from before and changes over time in the most efficient way possible.

Greek Creation Myth – Out of immense complexity comes a simple few things which then gather to themselves immense complexity and suffering thereby.

Prime Numbers – A value so simplified, it cannot be divided any further without ending what it fundamentally is.

Feel-Good Chemicals – The sensation of pleasure is triggered by only four hormones.

Entropy – The ultimate simplification, the universe flattens all complexity into nothingness over time.

Something to live by. Cheers.

March April Goal Review

Where did March go!!?? It’s been a blur for me, though I hope you’ve had a finer time on this… unacceptable but all too real anniversary.

But why dwell here? There’s the future to consider after double-checking where the most recent accomplishments laid the way here!

March Goal Review

    1. Truths Chosen Formatting
      1. Won! Kinda. Taking a note from folks like Scott Galloway and my own truth of “Simplify,” I’m going to write blog posts on a shortlist of truths. These will be longer-form, combining TLDRs with a chapter-like story delving into the reality of what seems true.
    2. Truths Draft 3
      1. Failed. I’m not giving myself this one. I’ve focused on the end-of-life deathwalk, work, and yearly medical checkups. I’ve done no major changes to the “Truths” list other than paring down to a shortlist of Top 4, Top 10, and Last 10 from a list of about 30 truths I can defend without doubt.
    3. End-of-Life Checkup
      1. Won! This deathwalk (my term for it) has been brutal but oh so valuable! (Highly recommend it for you!) Found that some documents needed updating, recalibrated my endeavors, and have started already on April. (Goals below.)
    4. Another 20 Into Witcher 3
      1. Won! Bam! And no-where near to being done, so it seems 😅 Very much enjoying it so far. Wonder what it would be like on the highest difficulty? 🤔

April Goal Proposal

    1. Summer Plans
      1. May and June will see some location changes. My thoughts are to get a new permanent residence while also getting up to New York State to see fam and a very important cat (COVID precautious, of course). Since I’ll be uprooting, I can head off any downsides now rather than later.
    2. Ditch Property
      1. Physical assets hold a person back, hold them down. I’ve lasted a year-and-change without things like my heavy wooden kitchen table, guest beds, and 90% of my wardrobe. Though I may not get down to 10% of my current ownings, 40% is doable! (If I can move my current storage into a 5×10, this is a win.)
    3. 1 Hour Writing Habit
      1. Everyday, 1 hour, writing. Doesn’t matter what, but it needs to be writing and only writing. 1 hour. Everyday. 1 month.
    4. 1 Hour Chill-out Habit
      1. Like the above, I need to learn to relax. Part of the deathwalk was identifying what I wanted to do in my short life. Under that new awareness, I uncovered that I would re-consume some of the media that has changed me through the years. This hopeful habit gets me on the ball for that enjoyment.

April could bring a lot more change than what I mentioned here – heck, since I’m writing this a bit before month’s end, A LOT could still happen!

Enough about me. How are your goals doing? Do your actions live up to your intentions? If you need answers, check my other goal posts and, perhaps, fast for a day (doctor’s note excused) and do your own deathwalk ~

Anyway, cheers to you and I as we get after it!

Truth: What Is It?

I’m working on figuring out what may be indivisible in life, a thing that might be called “Truth.” More than mere fact, something of a fact about facts. From dozens of teachers across thousands of years and my own experiences, some common themes come forward.

Few Areas of Concern

Truth covers but a few things: You and your actions (self), other people (society), and universally applicable (science).

You are figuratively the center and source of the universe. Your perception alters your reality. And does the world continue after you don’t? Knowing yourself is so incredibly important to knowing what the Truth of things is, it really is the first among equals.

As you move about in the world, you will encounter other people. Though both different and the same, knowing how is incredibly important to existing in such a populated world.

Science actively works to bring anything and everything together. Through science, we begin to see how Truth permeates and ties what has been, is, and will be.

Not All Is Equal

Some Truth comes before other Truth. Some Truth applies in certain contexts, its complete opposite in other contexts. Some Truth seems like it should make sense, yet boggles common human understanding.

When a Truth can be proven and has fewer caveats in that proof, that Truth is objectively a better Truth. Thereby, not all Truths are equal.

Truth Is Disciplined

Having said that no all Truth is equal, deferring to the best Truth in a situation is the only ‘Good’ option. Doing less or using a less-truthy Truth is the worst thing one can do.

But doing what is best is hard. Knowing what the context really is, which Truth is best for that context, then following through on that guiding Truth is a life-long undertaking. Thereby, to know and become closer to Truth requires the work of life-long and in-the-moment discipline.

‘Good’ Is Contextual

Again, the best Truth changes in contexts. And only following the best Truth can be ‘Good.’

Understanding that, ‘Good’ as a concept changes. What’s ‘Good’ for one is wrong for another, what worked here fails there. Truth may be consistent, but any single sub-Truth may change, and only from those shifting, sub, contextual Truths is the morality of ‘Good’ derived.

Made of Many

The last theme is this: There is no singular Truth people can define.

Religious figures from every creed have failed to do it (and even have trouble maintaining a monotheism). Science has yet to identify a unifying theory. Even the most serene humans have more than one interest – those that obsess are anything but healthy.

Therefore, if there is one Truth, we may not be able to know it.

However, we might be able to know Truth by those things, those partial truths, by a measure of how universal and consistent their effects are. In that way, Truth is hinted at by a hierarchal pantheon of other, smaller-scope truths. In those truths we can find moral meanings and direct our living.

In Closing:

Truth is a nebulous, unknowable thing. Yet, we can approach it by understanding and following the pieces of truth that orbit around like planets.

To know Truth and its truths takes work. Discriminating between them and doing what’s best may contradict more naïve notions of what’s correct or seem overburdening because, “why not take the easy route?”

Thus, the brief of what Truth may very well be! Though Truth is tough to pin down, we might learn about its structure from those things consistent to all peoples and matter through time.

Explorations in the truthiest truths:

You have lived a life. You have experienced hardship and joy, overcoming both to arrive here, now. What have you learned in that time? What is true for you? Consistent, applicable, evident?

Please please please let me know – your view on our existence is invaluable.

Enough deep talk! Have a swell week – looking forward to your Truths! Cheers ~

Truths About Relationships

Perfect timing for the big day!

Which big day? If you have to ask, you may go read another post instead of this one 😂

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! This year, the festive occasion of lovers coincides with my work on “Truths,” or things that seem to be real, free of time, culture, or dichotomy.

The following are a few things are worth keeping in mind whether you have a significant other or others to share February 14th with (or what you might do to participate next year!).

Lifelong Lessons

    • “There is no Love, there are only proofs of Love.” – Pierre Reverdy
      • No truer words have been said on the subject. Do Love, not claim love. (Mind the capital “L.”) To merely say you “love” another is, at best, frivolous and undermines the true, heart-aching impact of giving all of one’s self to another; at worst, it’s the foulest form of emotional manipulation. Behave like you mean it in all things, though especially in your adorations.

    • Affection and Kindness Are Not Love
      • Know the difference between sweet feelings, urges, and compassion. These things may be part of Love, but alone do not Love make. Recognize when someone mistakes your affection and kindness towards them as something else so you can immediately make things understood as they really are.

    • Having a Long-Term Partner Is Important
      • For any ‘soloists’ out there, understand that finding, maintaining, and being around an intimate, caring person is one of the most important things for your well-being. The acts and experiences associated with a long-term relationship are directly tied with benefits to your mind, body, spirit, and longevity you can only get in the presence of another person.

    • Things Change
      • Come to terms that whatever your situation is, it will change. You will change. Those in your life will change. Jobs and health and finances and goals will change. A humble example is that ~50% of marriages end before the death of a partner. If things should pass away, move away, go away, mourning is understandable and acceptable; obsession is not. Enjoy the time you have as you are now, but hold off on the attachments to things as they are vs. the excitement at what they could become.

    • Be Attractive
      • Really should be #1. Be fit physically, mentally, fit in, have strong financial, educational, and career fitness. Figure yourself out and be confident in the decisions you make. Fix up your anti-charismatic quirks, be it talking too loud, wearing too much spray, or being a jerk to the wait staff. Find hygiene and diet and sleep patterns that work for you and be absolutely selfish and territorial about these things. Clean your room. Wear clean underwear and listen to music that moves you. Nothing is a greater boon to a relationship, career, personal, or social context than to be attractive ~

On Valentine’s Day

      • Think About the Future
        • Review hopes for the partnership and the partner regardless of the relationship. Check in on feelings and the experiences that have not worked in the past. Focus on your own responsibility in how you’ve allowed relationships to end and how you will probably do it again. Share these with your significant other so they can trust your honesty and be a support where you are weakest.

      • Commit
      • Hell Yes or Hell No
        • To help make your decisions, consider anything not a “Hell Yes” a “Hell No” by default. Keep this in mind should either you or your partner hesitate or not have a strong opinion of what the future holds for you both.

      • Update Statuses
        • If you are now committed to another person, close your apps and update your online relationship statuses. An updated, public social media account is a greater sign of dedication to another than wearing a ring. (Rings can be taken off or explained away; the online history and inbox notices of “X is in a relationship with Y” lasts forever.)

      • Propose Later
        • If formal marriage is your thing, don’t pursue it now! Emotions are too high for the February 14th occasion for personally intimate decisions to remain unaffected. Instead, take time to think about a time and place to be less cliché.

      • Love the One You’re With
        • Focus! Today is about you and your partner. Keep your attention from wandering. Look them in the eyes. Be responsive. Turn off and remove the distractions removing you from them. Care what they have to say, now more than ever.

Before Next Year

    • Act Now, Results Later
      • Be impatient with taking action now to treat you (and your partner) well. Do it today, this hour, this minute. Yet, be patient with the results. You are helping foster this relationship like a garden – regularity, moderation, tilling the foundations, addressing the weeds when they come up, profit from the fruits that arrive later!

    • Don’t Settle, Suffice
      • Have higher standards. Meet or beat the feelings and experiences you have with your current partner compared with past relationships. But, how do you know when to suffice versus settle? See:

    • All About the Numbers
      • Date a lot. Make friends without expectation. Become emotionally if not also physically close to many people (more than you can count on your hands at least). Figure out what has brought you happiness and fond memories in your past relationships. Figure out what in yourself and in your past partners were red flags. Mind these things especially during the tough times, such as fights or deaths or layoffs. (And if you don’t have any personal red flags that you are also taking action now to address, you have a ways to go to be emotionally honest enough for an intimate relationship.)

    • Competition Is for Chumps
      • If another person wants to play games or have you chase, don’t. If another person has many priorities in life including you, they have no priorities (including you). If it’s you driving the conversation and the attention, stop. Put effort into making a relationship last, not into making a relationship.

    • Learn
      • Educate yourself on books and articles. Audit relationships with friends and family and colleagues and more intimate others. Go to therapy. Discover new and interesting things to show your companion. Always seek to improve yourself, triply so when you are with someone you adore (ie put more effort into yourself when you are already with someone).


        Some guides: Read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus, State of Affairs, Mating in Captivity, and Sapiens.

    • January and February Hiatus
      • Aim not to date in January and February. Heck, even start to cool off if you’ve not found a partner in early December. A lot of people feel obligated to “be happy and fulfilled” during the holidays, and when more so than over Valentine’s? You and they may not even realize you are making rash decisions, so cool it for now. There are ten more months in the year without pressure to explore with a companion.

    • Valentine’s Every Day
      • Treat them well or not at all! Approach those you find like it’s Valentine’s Day every day. It’s an occasion of note not just to be alive, but to be together with another person that you care something for and may care about you in a similar way. February 14th is only a reminder of what should be done every day of the year ❤

Between history lessons, psychology texts, and my own experience, these things seem to be true about relationships. Go forth to your romances well armed!

What has your experience been? What defines Valentine’s Day and relationships as a whole for you? Your perspective is of great value!

In the meantime, take care! Enjoy the weekend, since you at least have the great company that is yourself ~ Cheers to next week!